My sister-in-law’s midwife emailed her these words the day before she gave birth to my nephew. Poignant words to take to heart during this waiting time…
How am I? Not pregnant, she said with a whisper of regret. My time is over.
But you are. Pregnant now. Gloriously, fully pregnant.
And in the fullness of time, you will bring forth your son.
Now you are like one of those Tall Ships in full sail. Majestic, ponderous but graceful, powerful, strong, purposeful.
Heading towards your destination on winds that you have no control over.
Enjoy the journey. It will soon be over and another journey will begin.
I am pretty sure and Charlie is 100% sure he doesn’t want another child (or, rather, he doesn’t want me to go through pregnancy again, so unless we find the money & emotional strength to attempt the adoption process, we are done at 2). This means that no matter what, this is the last time I’ll be pregnant, the last time I’ll feel my child moving within my belly, the last time I get to experience that miracle of creating and nurturing an entire human being within my womb.
For as much as I’ve complained lately, I know how lucky I am. For as horrible as the heartburn is and how badly I’m sleeping and how ready I am to be holding this little man in my arms, I’m still trying to take moments to be still… to reflect… to watch the movements within my belly with awe and a spirit of gratefulness. It truly is amazing that I am pregnant – and not only pregnant, but pregnant for a second time. I will never take that miracle for granted.
Every day I need to thank God for this pregnancy & this child. Every day. I apologize if I haven’t been showing that side of my feelings lately, but I really am grateful and thankful and feeling immeasurably blessed.
39w6d. We are so close to having our son in our arms and having this pregnancy chapter of my life be complete. In the meantime, I’m going to rest easy knowing that he is snuggling safe and warm next to my heart.