Words of Wisdom, 39w6d

My sister-in-law’s midwife emailed her these words the day before she gave birth to my nephew. Poignant words to take to heart during this waiting time… 

*****

How am I?  Not pregnant, she said with a whisper of regret.  My time is over.

But you are. Pregnant now. Gloriously, fully pregnant.

And in the fullness of time, you will bring forth your son. 

Now you are like one of those Tall Ships in full sail.  Majestic, ponderous but graceful, powerful, strong, purposeful. 

Heading towards your destination on winds that you have no control over.

Enjoy the journey.  It will soon be over and another journey will begin.

*****

I am pretty sure and Charlie is 100% sure he doesn’t want another child (or, rather, he doesn’t want me to go through pregnancy again, so unless we find the money & emotional strength to attempt the adoption process, we are done at 2). This means that no matter what, this is the last time I’ll be pregnant, the last time I’ll feel my child moving within my belly, the last time I get to experience that miracle of creating and nurturing an entire human being within my womb.

For as much as I’ve complained lately, I know how lucky I am. For as horrible as the heartburn is and how badly I’m sleeping and how ready I am to be holding this little man in my arms, I’m still trying to take moments to be still… to reflect… to watch the movements within my belly with awe and a spirit of gratefulness. It truly is amazing that I am pregnant – and not only pregnant, but pregnant for a second time.  I will never take that miracle for granted.

Every day I need to thank God for this pregnancy & this child. Every day. I apologize if I haven’t been showing that side of my feelings lately, but I really am grateful and thankful and feeling immeasurably blessed.

39w6d. We are so close to having our son in our arms and having this pregnancy chapter of my life be complete. In the meantime, I’m going to rest easy knowing that he is snuggling safe and warm next to my heart.

What a difference 36 weeks can make…

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16 comments

  1. Beautifully said friend. I feel the same way!

  2. Beautiful words. I am already struggling with the idea of this being my final pregnancy, and it is in the early stages. Not struggling as in I want to do it again. This is it for us, our family (as long as all goes well). But it really is such an amazing thing that I feel so so fortunate to be experiencing a second time and I will miss so much of this feeling when it is all gone. Enjoy your final day(s) as much as you can and I can’t wait to see that baby boy’s face on this page soon! :)

  3. I don’t think anyone would doubt your gratitude for this baby! We know how it is in the end… So much discomfort and pain… But still miraculous!

    Almost there… :)

  4. Beautiful! My heart is singing for you and I wish your little man a safe journey into the world xxx

  5. I love these words of wisdom. We were just chatting on Twitter yesterday about “lasts” and how sometimes we don’t realize a last is upon us until its passed. It’s both exciting and wistful that a last–two heartbeats in your body–is on its way. I did my fair share of grumbling about sickness, sleep and sciatica with my second pregnancy, but somehow never rushed it away. ‘Cause DAMN, who would have thought I’d get the chance to do it again? Not me.

  6. Thank you for this Josey! At 38 wks 1 day and going a little stir crazy after 3 straight days at home due to snowstorms and below zero temps with 3 kids 4 and under, this was nice to read and made me remember how much we went through to have the first 2, the 2 losses before my third and how my third baby (almost 21 months) won’t be the “baby” of the family much longer (though they are all my babies still of course!) ;) My appt got cancelled Monday due to the weather so waiting to reschedule. Other than that trying to be patient along with you. Almost here!

  7. mcmissis · · Reply

    Hang in there, Sister! You’re sooooo close (or maybe you had him already this morning and are about to shock us all :)

  8. A great reminder and wonderful words of wisdom. We have to honor and respect THIS moment because there is no going back.

    Also, you are gorgeous.

  9. I love this post. I remember feeling similarly at the end of my pregnancy, though the 5cm dilated/50% effaced made me really uncomfortable and ultimately my fear of loss (my mom’s story instilled so much fear in me, just as your mom’s story instilled so much confidence in you) pushed me over the edge into “this needs to be over” territory. But even when I was feeling like that I knew I should stop and savor. And I did. When I could.

    You’re right. 36 weeks really does make a difference. And then 36 hours will make a big difference too!

  10. Heather · · Reply

    Beautifully said! It’s so easy to get caught up in the aches, pains, and uncomfortableness towards the end of pregnancy, especially when you are so close to being able to finally meet your baby. It’s hard to “savor” every little bit, but I love that you are soaking it all up! Hope that tonight or tomorrow he comes so we can all “meet” him here in blog land!

  11. Elizabeth · · Reply

    Those words are perfect. I didn’t enjoy being pregnant at all but I miss it so much. And to know I will never get those experiences back or ever again makes me so sad. The same can be said about nursing. It was one of the best experiences of my life. BTW-you look amazing!

  12. You look sooooooo good. I miss being pregnant ALL THE TIME. I had a super easy pregnancy with William and I am tempted all the time to want to do it again despite the fact that kids are HARD and we have already decided we are done. It is just such a special experience and I sort of wish I could be like 28 weeks pregnant all the time. :)

  13. St. Elsewhere · · Reply

    Those words are beautiful.

    And yes, do feel very blessed. You are one of the few women here in the blogosphere that had a child at the same time I had Figzy, and are already on the way for another, while I seem to have gone back to the ring and still practicing the hoops.

    You look great!

  14. Annnnnnd…. I’m crying. Beautiful post, Jos.

  15. Beautiful words. Nevertheless, I was certain you’d be cuddling a precious little two-week-old by now! Rock that perfect bump while you still can, and I can’t wait to hear your news … not so many days (hours, really) from now.

Virtual Hugs (FYI - your comment may be held in moderation for me to approve if you have never commented here before - I try to approve as quickly as possible!)

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