I’ve decided in the past few weeks that this whole blogging universe will be the key to my sanity.

Reading through the blogs of Junket Juice, Penelope, Kim and a handful of others has somehow become central to my sanity. Seriously. Thank you.

Sometimes I think that I live in such a little tiny town in a little tiny house in a pretty remote area that I become oblivious to the trials and tribulations of people out there in the “normal” world.  My problems become the biggest thing in the world, though in reality I know that my life is pretty good.  Not what I thought it would be if you’d have talked to me five years ago, but I guess that’s not such a bad thing.

Still, being able to just write it all down in this blog and get it off my chest helps me immensely. Then I spend some time reading other people’s blogs, and it always reminds me that we all have our issues…some big, some small…but that things have a way of working out the way they’re supposed to. I just need to remind myself of that.

This morning Hubby called me a control freak.

Yep, it pissed me off, but I suppose the thing that upset me the most was that he’s right.

Ugh, I hate it when he’s right.

I have no idea when I got so obsessed about money.  I’m not a material person. I don’t need “things” to make me happy. Shopping is my idea of hell. Yet somehow money is such a freakin’ source of stress in my life, and I don’t know how to change that.  Hubby didn’t work for six months this year (through no fault of his own – I seriously harbor no ill will towards him for it)… but it definitely stressed me the crap out, and if I’m honest, it continues to do so, even now that he’s working again.  I constantly am running through the “what ifs” in my mind about what we’re going to do if one of us loses our job again.  We put in an offer on a house here in town – it’s exhilarating and terrifying at the same time – I’m excited about the prospect of building equity in something, but the financial responsibility…YIKES!

Plus, what am I thinking? I want a child. Kids are expensive. Ridiculously so.  What makes me think we can handle it?  I know that everyone says that “you just do it” when you have to, and I’m sure that’s true, but how am I going to take a chill pill and not be the “control freak” about money that my husband (my free spending, no worries – be happy husband) hates?

I know we balance each other out.  He took the day off today “just because”… no matter that he only worked 3 days last week and 2 this week because we went to St. Louis for 5 days to visit his fam… he just felt like taking the day off, so he did.  I don’t understand that. I don’t mean to say he doesn’t work his butt of when he’s at work, but to me, all I see is money being thrown out the window while he drives around with his buddy doing nothing today.  Why couldn’t he do that tomorrow?

I seriously need to drop it though, because it will just cause fights and I don’t want to fight. Make love, not war, right? Right. Be thankful that we’re healthy and in love and working out the growing pains of a new marriage.

Time to finish work quickly, duck out early, and have some fun with my hubby. Happy Holidays. 🙂