You ever have one of those days weekends where you just completely fall off the diet wagon and make bad choices? That was my weekend.
For months I have been doing pretty well, and for the last few weeks at least, it’s almost been easy to make good decisions and stay motivated.
This weekend I just sort of lost it. 🙁
I’m incredibly depressed that it’s CD29 of Clomid Cycle #1 and my body shows no sign of ovulation or A.F. I know that it’s only the first cycle we’ve tried meds, but I was really hoping that even if we didn’t conceive, that my body would at least be figuring shit out. No such luck. Charting has allowed me to relax about the drinking thing (I mean, if my body isn’t going to ovulate, I might as well have a few drinks, right?!) but last weekend we went all out. I’m talking drinking all night Friday and then again on Saturday from 1pm to 1am… not getting belligerent drunk or anything since it was spaced out over such a long time, but definitely consuming a lot of alcohol and not journaling my food and just throwing caution to the wind while screaming f*ck this stupid body that can’t figure sh*t out.
Not really a great way to treat the vessel that needs to be in the best shape possible to increase my chances of getting that BFP.
Needless to say, I woke up Sunday morning feeling bloated and bad about my decisions and just GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR about life in general. Need to find the motivation to get back on track, but I just don’t care right now. I don’t want to complain to my Hubby b/c he’s been so wonderful this whole cycle about the BMing every other day and doing his part. I’m just tired, and how whiny is that on my first freakin’ cycle? I know I need to get my mind set in this for the long haul, but I’m having problems caring right now.
Oh Josey, It is totally normal to be completely frustrated with this process. I know I have days where I am hopeful and excited, but lots of days I think "is this ever going to happen?". It is hard not to feel the disappointment when you get so excited that something might be working finally only to find out you're still just waiting for the ovaries to figure themselves out. Don't be hard on yourself. Definitely concentrate on having a good time now, but don't go too overboard and make yourself feel bad later. Hopefully, in a year, we'll both be cuddling our little bundles of trouble and blogging about how we can't believe what a rollercoaster this ride has been. We'll get through it.
I love how authentic you are. And if you want to whine–you know who to go to. 🙂 xo