The deeper I get into this IF world, the more I realize that people around me (who know what I’m going through) just don’t know how to respond to my feelings and frustrations. It’s National Infertility Awareness Week next week (April 24-May 1) and Resolve has a great Q&A section about the myths and realities of what infertiles go through and how to respond/help if it’s your friends or family members struggling with it. Please check it out!
In the meantime, please think twice before you throw out that question of “so when are you guys going to have kids?” Honestly, either:
1) They don’t want them yet and this question is annoying and overasked.
2) They are trying to have a child and it isn’t working.
Either way, in my opinion this is an incredibly personal question that somehow has become mainstream to ask. There’s your food for thought today…
I think that question takes as much audacity as asking someone when they're going to get married. Oh how I could rage on that one. So, I kind of feel you? 🙂
Yeah, it has the same issues as the personal question of when you're getting married…some people just don't WANT to be married, or are waiting for the guy to pop the question, or whatever!The only difference with IF is that it's not a question of "want" but "ability" – it's just incredibly frustrating when it's something medically wrong with your own body that you can't control. I've just been thinking about this a lot lately, can you tell? 🙂
Thank you, thank you, thank you for saying that. I get asked that all the time and we too are trying without success.
seriously, this was the reason I started telling our immediate family about some of the troubles just so they would stop pestering us. I was reluctant to share it because I was hoping to just spring the surprise on them when we got pregnant. But the more time went by I was finally thinking telling them would be easier than fielding this question over and over.
I agree – it's a deeply personal question & one I don't think people who were able to get KU without issue understand is personal. It's not as easy as health class led us to believe…
My sister spent three years trying before finally becoming pregnant and she got that question all the time from ignorant pricks! She finally told one woman, "Because I'm infertile and CAN'T have kids!" She said the look on the woman's face was well worth the snarky, bitchy response! I don't get why people feel it's OK to ask those personal questions. One of my HUGE pet peeves! My DAD said to me on more than one occassion, "Hmm…you're fitting into your normal clothes again…time to have another baby, huh?" ARGH!!!! (Bradshaw…pick your jaw up off the floor!)
Even before I dealt with IF, I never understood why people think it's okay to ask you when you're going to have kids! I DON'T KNOW – When are you planning to make YOUR next life changing decision?!?!Thanks for the link.
I will go read it, because I love you.
@Natalie – I totally agree! We've told more people than we originally intended, just b/c the question was getting so tiring to field!@Crossed Fingers – Amen to that.@Melissa G – great point! It is truly a life changing decision!!@the grumbles – I love you too. Thank you. 🙂