this was my challenge to myself, and today my challenge to you:
think about that one thing in your life that is dragging you down. is worrying about it and letting it ruin your mood really going to make it any better?
worrying about bills isn’t going to make you any more money. agonizing over relationships isn’t going to help them get better or be over. freaking out about projects and schedules isn’t going to change them.
Between buying a house, doing an immediate kitchen remodel before we move in (and trying to pay for it!), struggling to get pregnant, and working on keeping the intimacy good in our marriage while doing all of the above… it’s been an interesting time in our household.
Today is also the 10 year anniversary of my cousin’s untimely death. He was my best friend – we grew up three miles apart and were two months apart in age…and at the time, he had a one month old baby girl with one of my best friends. It was awful. To this day, it remains the worst day of my life. I remember thinking 10 years ago that the pain had to get better. That time would heal all wounds. That I couldn’t possibly feel this sad forever.
Well, 10 years has definitely helped. I now think of him with a smile on my face and happiness in my heart. I still miss him; I will always miss him. However, it has given me perspective on this day. His daughter is a beautiful 10 year old (in the pic on the left, she is with her aunt, my cousin’s older sister). The pain will never be completely gone…the questions of why him? and why then? will always remain… but I know that his daughter will never forget him, thanks to the endless stories and pictures and tall tales we tell. I know that I will never forget him. I know that I will meet him again in heaven some day. I truly belive that.
It’s also a great reminder to be grateful for what I have today. My happiness, my health… yes, there are things wrong in my life. My body isn’t working as it should. My bank account doesn’t have the money I wish it did. The stress mounts every day, and we have to take time every day to try to diffuse it before it makes us explode. On the other side of the coin, I have a husband who loves me. Family who loves me. The good fortune to have been able to buy a house to call our own.
Today, this day, I will not stress about how to pay the bills – I will simply pay them as I can. I will not freak out about how we will possibly get the remodel done before we need to move in – I will instead enjoy the process of working on our first home together. I will not feel sad that this TTC world has put a huge amount of strain & pressure on our relationship – I will remember that though the passion is often lacking in our relationship right now, that it is something we can work on. That it is something we can reignite. That through it all, we love each other, and love makes the world go ’round.
Thank you, Jamie, for reminding me that my problems are but a speck on this pale blue dot we live on. If you haven’t been over there – make sure you check out the video she posted about this pale blue dot we live on…it will put everything in perspective!