this was my challenge to myself, and today my challenge to you:
think about that one thing in your life that is dragging you down. is worrying about it and letting it ruin your mood really going to make it any better?
worrying about bills isn’t going to make you any more money. agonizing over relationships isn’t going to help them get better or be over. freaking out about projects and schedules isn’t going to change them.
Between buying a house, doing an immediate kitchen remodel before we move in (and trying to pay for it!), struggling to get pregnant, and working on keeping the intimacy good in our marriage while doing all of the above… it’s been an interesting time in our household.
Today is also the 10 year anniversary of my cousin’s untimely death. He was my best friend – we grew up three miles apart and were two months apart in age…and at the time, he had a one month old baby girl with one of my best friends. It was awful. To this day, it remains the worst day of my life. I remember thinking 10 years ago that the pain had to get better. That time would heal all wounds. That I couldn’t possibly feel this sad forever.
Well, 10 years has definitely helped. I now think of him with a smile on my face and happiness in my heart. I still miss him; I will always miss him. However, it has given me perspective on this day. His daughter is a beautiful 10 year old (in the pic on the left, she is with her aunt, my cousin’s older sister). The pain will never be completely gone…the questions of why him? and why then? will always remain… but I know that his daughter will never forget him, thanks to the endless stories and pictures and tall tales we tell. I know that I will never forget him. I know that I will meet him again in heaven some day. I truly belive that.
It’s also a great reminder to be grateful for what I have today. My happiness, my health… yes, there are things wrong in my life. My body isn’t working as it should. My bank account doesn’t have the money I wish it did. The stress mounts every day, and we have to take time every day to try to diffuse it before it makes us explode. On the other side of the coin, I have a husband who loves me. Family who loves me. The good fortune to have been able to buy a house to call our own.
Today, this day, I will not stress about how to pay the bills – I will simply pay them as I can. I will not freak out about how we will possibly get the remodel done before we need to move in – I will instead enjoy the process of working on our first home together. I will not feel sad that this TTC world has put a huge amount of strain & pressure on our relationship – I will remember that though the passion is often lacking in our relationship right now, that it is something we can work on. That it is something we can reignite. That through it all, we love each other, and love makes the world go ’round.
Thank you, Jamie, for reminding me that my problems are but a speck on this pale blue dot we live on. If you haven’t been over there – make sure you check out the video she posted about this pale blue dot we live on…it will put everything in perspective!
Damn, now I feel like I need to post one of these too. BBS unite?
Days like this are so hard. I feel like grumbles purpose on this dot was to post this post today. It's helped us all in one way or the other. I want to break out in We are the World. Seriously. I'm not kidding about that.
Wow, touching story! And definitely a good reminder of everything we do have. Why do we spend so much time being grumpy?I also wanted to answer your question about acupuncture. My acupuncturist doesn't seem overly concerned with timing of the acupuncture sessions, I think partially because I'm taking all the cooked herb teas every day. I mostly go in once a week, but she has had me come in twice a week a couple of times leading up to ovulation, to make sure I have a really good ovulation, apparently. But then last week she said she was really pleased with how my body was responding and only wanted to see me once the following week. So it seems like it's different for everyone. $60 per appointment is actually a pretty good price–I think mine would be $75 each time except that I got a six-month package.Is the book you bought called The Infertility Cure by Randine Lewis? Because that one is really super helpful if you want to do acupuncture for infertility.
CeeJay – thanks for the info! Yes, that's the book that I just bought. I'm really excited to read more about it. I guess I'll talk to my guy about getting a package deal if possible… Thanks again!
I don't think I got to tell you yesterday- I thought of you and your lovely cousin all day. I'm glad you can smile about your memories together and that his daughter is blessed with people around her to tell her how awesome he was.
Good for you Josey, Good for all of us to be reminded of. I am so sorry that you lost your cousin, but I am happy that you have found some peace and happiness despite it. Congrats on the new house. It is very easy to let it stress you out. But I guarantee it is one of the best feelings to have a little place of your own. Everything will work out.
[…] years ago today, I wrote this post about us all living on the pale blue dot. Watch the video; you’ll be happy you […]