Here’s my new goal… no more setting myself up for sadness and frustration and disappointment.
When we first started TTC, I was thinking we’d have an April baby. April/May are generally slower times for me at work, so I figured that’d be perfect, plus I wouldn’t be hugely pregnant in the hot summer months. Perfect plan. Yeah right.
When it didn’t happen right away, I knew I had to get pregnant by November so that at least our child would be in the same grade as our best friend’s kid and my husband’s brother’s child (born this past Dec & March). It’s way more fun when kids are in the same grade and are going through the same thing and … yeah… why did I do that to myself?
When we didn’t get pregnant by Christmas & decided to go to the doc, I figured we’d be pregnant by March. That would ensure we had a 2010 baby. Perfect for a tax credit. Perfect for our family. There are tons of December babies in my husband’s family (including my husband), so that’d be pretty cool, right?!
Hm. Here we sit at June. If (and that’s a big “if”) this is ‘our cycle,’ we’d have a March 2011 baby. However, I am done with deadlines. I refuse to do this to myself anymore. Whenever we get pregnant (and I really truly just need to believe that we will), it will happen when it’s supposed to. I will be 9 months pregnant in the heat of August if it means I’ll have a healthy, happy baby to add to our family. Johanna (the road to) mommyland is another blogger I follow, and they were in the hell known as TTC for 11 months. She’s actually due with her first baby in two weeks – I am SO excited for her. Check out her post about how you can’t always plan these things…
In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy my time with my husband, with my friends, with my dogs. I’m going to enjoy walking out the door and getting in my car and going somewhere without grabbing anything but my purse. I’m going to enjoy rafting after work and drinking beer, just because I want to.
I’m still going to do everything in my power to get that BFP so that I can hold my child in my arms someday, but I figure I just really need to remember to enjoy life in the meantime and not be so dang worried about deadlines…