I was just getting ready to write this post and read Kelly’s post (Little Looman Log) about the same thing happening to her this week! I love it when happy surprises happen in our TTC world. 🙂
He just laughed and said, Ok, you might have to wake me up since it will be after 9.
Fine, okay, I understand, he’s not a night owl, no problem.
Well, (after the most amazing softball game I’ve ever played!) I crawl into bed at 9:45 and start to wake him up and he basically tells me to leave him alone, he’s sleeping, we can do it tomorrow.
HAHAHAHA. Cue crazy TTC lady losing her mind that the one day in the past year she’s seen a positive OPK test he hubby is too tired and holy f*ing sh*t we might miss our window and that is not okay.
I might have not reacted well.
Honestly, we’ve had our ups and downs with the whole TTC thing, and for the most part it’s been…okay. I try to never mention the fact that doc said we need to BD every other day around O time…which admittedly is a lot harder when you have no idea if you’ll O on CD14 or CD50. That’s a long freaking time to BD…and lots of nights are great, but there are also lots of nights where we are both honestly too tired, but I feel more pressure to do it “right” so I’m usually the initiator. That’s hard. Add to that the fact that he never asks me about the TTC stuff, and I’ve just felt really alone in this journey lately. Honestly, on Tuesday I asked him if he even wanted to have a baby. He said of course I do!! It’s hard for me to explain to him that I need that verbal reassurance from him. Often. He feels like I tell him everything that’s going on, so what’s there left to ask? Valid point, right? Dammit. I hate when he’s right.
At any rate, last night when I basically sulked and cried and turned my back, he woke up and rolled over and said Babe, I’m really sorry. I do love you. It’s not just that I’m tired. I’m just overwhelmed by this whole thing.
Well, I’m super overwhelmed as well, and I feel like I’m WAY more overwhelmed than him… but that wasn’t the right response either apparently. *sigh*
Basically, I had to learn to backtrack and shut up and say I’m sorry… we’re both overwhelmed. And this sucks. But it’s our life. This will work out somehow. In the meantime, I’ll try to not be crazy b/c of a dark line on pee stick. I love you.
You are so not alone. I remember Adam and I going through the same thing when it was O time. I think the guys do get overwhelmed. We are crazy impulsive about things because it is our bodies. They still like to be romantic and spontaneous. Oh the curses of TTC. And, I would cry too when he said he was tired or stressed. Just hand in there. It will happen. It has to, right!??!
I NEVER told my honey when I was ovulating. I didn't need any added stress on him, so I dealt with that myself and if necessary, I'd just "wake him up". If it seems like "for fun," they're a little more willing than if it seems like a "job."Good luck! And yay for a positive! I still have pictures of my first positive OPK. 😉
Oh… AND… a week after ovulation, that's when you should have your progesterone checked. Some people call it the "21 day draw". Those are the lucky ones who actually ovulate on day 14. Haha.
the way men deal with their feelings and stress is so different from us. they worry and get stressed out and it just shows in different ways so it seems like they don't care until BAM breaking point.it's a hard journey for both of you whether he acts like it or not most days.i guess all you can do is be honest with each other, right? and go through it together instead of separately.love ya
Damn. That just makes me gut ache. I love you. You're handling this with so much grace and honesty; I really admire you for that. It must be SO overwhelming and I'm sorry you have to deal with it.xoxo
@Type A – Yeah, I usually don't tell him it NEEDS to happen, but I was so stoked about the +OPK that I just blurted it out. Sometimes I get in a pity party mode of "why do I have to make it fun?" … but it's all worth it in the end. :)Yeah – my doc's partner (who I talked to when I refilled my Clomid) had scheduled a 21 day draw for me that I cancelled b/c I hadn't ovulated. Obviously he hadn't looked at my chart and realized NO WAY I HELL do I ovulate on CD14. Thanks for the info!
Men don't have the stamina for difficult emotional trying things like we do. They just don't. You can gut out almost anything, but guys? they need a break from it now and then. It's hard to remember and respect – esp. when you feel like you're doing the lion's share of the work (and carrying the majority of the stress).Such is the lot of the wife.
Oh Josey, this breaks me b/c I know how hard this is for you. You're being so strong and positive though whether you realize it or not and we're all mentally pulling for you.LOVES!
I repsonded on your last post, but 7 day past ovulation is the best time to check progesterone!I'm so excited that we can do this together!!!Oh, and I feel you on the DH stuff… been there. This stuff is stressful!!!!
DH and I went through the same thing, I finally said one night. Look, I don't have a crystal ball, I don't know when I'm going to O but this is our best chance of getting a BFP and by you blowing me off it makes me worry we'll miss the one day of the cycle it finally would have worked. So please, humor me and let me jump your bones.
Thanks for all the support & advice everyone. Much appreciated. Feeling much better today. Called the Hubs at lunch and apologized for being a pain last night. He laughed and said, "you weren't being a pain." 🙂 At least in the light of day the memory has faded for him!! LOL
That's tough. JJ and I had that conversation a few weeks ago. Thinking back to something you said to me, I asked if he wanted to know when I was O'ing, or not. He said he would, just give him a few days notice. Waa?? I said well, it's time now. I try to talk to him about things too but think at this point it's my issue so he's not too concerned. I know he cares, but I haven't found that balance yet either. I think after our appt next week with the RE he'll be more in tune with everything. We do forget that this involves them as much as it does us. We just have to be patient with the whole thing.
I get it. Seeing those two lines sends you into this weird place, its like panic and excitement all at once and all you can think about is having timed sex. Its not always romatic, in fact its rarely romantic. Its hard when you have cycles like we do, it just adds more stress and pressure. I hope you guys have a good heart to heart talk and both you can get to the same place.We are here for you!
I would have totally flipped out given the circumstances you are dealing with. I'm lucky that I have regular cycles and ovulate 'on schedule' so I basically made a calendar showing the 'every other day' around O time so hubby knows in advance when it is 'crucial'. I wish there something you could do to make that part of it easier! Does he know the importance of what that OPK is? As in that is your 24hr window to get pregnant? I had a nice chat with my hubby and once we came up with a 'plan' together about how to go about this whole ttc stuff things became much easier on both of us. Argh – I feel for you! Hugs.
This is definitely the part of TTC that you don't really think will be difficult. If you asked me two years ago whether I thought I would have a hard time getting my husband to "participate" I would have laughed at the thought. But when you are trying to hit those critical days and the range they could be in is huge, like it is for us, it does become difficult. I remember wishing that I could be regular just for the shear ease of being able to predict when exactly to get busy and taking the pressure off of us both. My only hope, for both you and me is that after the first kid, our ovaries will suddenly start working regularly and number two will be a cinch. Oh please!