In the gut…

Geez. You think you’re over something, and then it punches you in the gut.

On our way to the resort for our honeymoon in Jamaica (literally, on the shuttle ride there), we met an awesome couple that we ended up loving and hanging out with for the entire trip.

She’s a few years younger than me. They live in LA. We loved hanging out with them. I’ve visited them since the honeymoon. Great people. They’ve been talking about coming out to visit this fall even!

She just posted an ultrasound on FB.

*sigh*

I hate my first reaction wasn’t complete joy. Why am I like this?

Before dinner together one night…
After the hike up Dunns River Falls
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18 comments

  1. I always ask myself the same question. Why can't I find joy in the miracle of a baby, even if it's not mine? But, it was getting so hard for me to see all the "ultrasound posts" and pregnancy updates, that I deactivated my Facebook account. Hang in there, girl. It's okay to be raw with your emotions and be bitter/angry/upset/sad, but so long as you then let those emotions pass and focus on YOUR life, not on HER life. That's what I always tell myself. Harder done than said, right? But, hey, her being pregnant doesn't affect when you will be getting pregnant. What she has does not make what you have any less! 🙂

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  2. It is hard to celebrate in other's joys when it just reminds us of what we are missing out on. Sorry you had to deal with another FB news breaker. I do think it is very cool though that you and your husband found great friends from your honeymoon!

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  3. How you're feeling is normal, giving everything you're dealing with. You're only human and that's ok (((HUGS)))

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  4. Definitely not just you. I totally felt that way before I had my boys. And now I'm finding it really hard to see u/s and hear updates from people who are due when I was. It doesn't get easier until you get there yourself. Which you will, much as it doesn't seem like it at times. I've been in the IF bloggy world for over five years now, and based on that experience I know that your turn will come. Maybe not as soon as you'd like, but it will. xox.

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  5. Infertility is too cruel. It makes good people feel shitty about themselves because of perfectly justified feelings.

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  6. I feel ya.

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  7. Don't beat yourself up – its ok to have the mixed feelings about this kind of news. Some days are better than others, but you can allow yourself to feel sad some days. Thinking about you!

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  8. You are not a bad person for this being your first reaction. I think you are quite normal. It is just one more reminder of what we do not have.Sending you ((((HUGS))))

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  9. Those surprise u/s posts on FB have ruined entire weeks of mine.((HUGS))

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  10. I went through the exact same thing. We met this couple on our honeymoon, and us two girls talked about how we wanted a baby RIGHT AWAY. Well, exactly 3 months after getting back, she announced her pregnancy on facebook. This was right when my IF stuff started, so it was extra hard to hear. And this weekend she celebrated his 1st birthday. It's just become a constant reminder of where I could be. Facebook is brutal that way.But from my experience, you will start to feel happy for her eventually. You just need to wrap your head around it first, and take some time. You WILL be announcing your happy news someday soon, I know it. (big hugs)

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  11. i think its a natural feeling

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  12. It's not that you're NOT happy for them – it's just a reminder that it's still not you. Don't feel bad, I'm sure when I announced my news I punched a few of you ladies in the gut as well. My fingers are still crossed that you'll be joining the ranks soon!

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  13. I am sorry sweetie. We all react that way, so you shouldn't feel bad about it. It is hard watching everyone else around you pop out kids left and right, like they are dispensed from a vending machine, while you are trying so hard. I have friends who I went to high school with with two and three kids already and we've just barely been able to get started. It hurts you because it doesn't seem fair. And it isn't, but I know that you will be posting your ultrasound before you know it!

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  14. I feel that *punch in the gut* on a daily basis…not for IF, but for the situation that I find myself in. I see "it" all around me. Some days it makes me sad, others extremely pissed! I wanted "that" and I feel cheated somehow. I know how you're feeling, just on a different level. It's okay to have those feelings, don't beat yourself up about it too much. I know that you will have your ultra sound pic to display for all of us someday! 🙂

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  15. Remember when I was trying and then all of the sudden every celebrity got pregnant and then my own COUSIN? I still hate Kourtney Kardashian and Kendra for that. STILL. Not kidding. Not even a little bit. The fact of the matter is that when it's people you do love, you get over it. Not today. Probably not tomorrow….but eventually it all becomes okay.

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  16. There is such a wealth of hard won wisdom in these comments. I am constantly grateful that Josey has all of you in her life. I think Crossed Fingers said it most succinctly – "It's not that you're NOT happy for them – it's just a reminder that it's still not you."Cut yourself some slack here, Josephina Ballerina. For years I have watched you be the ultimate true friend to people in your life. No one expects you to be more than human.Keep the faith. xxloveMom

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  17. …because you are a human being. i'd feel the same. xo

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  18. I'm sure its because its nearly impossible not to benchmark ourselves against others and feel some sort of pain when others achieve things we want so badly before we have. Its normal. But it still blows. I have a photo of me and my high school girlfriends at the end of Dunns River Falls too. In that exact same place. 🙂

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