Crying to a Stranger

Who knew that crying to a stranger would be so helpful?

I meant to write this on Monday right after the appointment with my Counselor, but I ended up going out to lunch with another friend who is also going through some really rough stuff. We’ve known each other for about five years, but it wasn’t until the last month that we really started knowing each other. He often comes into the restaurant around 8:30 when I’m working (kitchen closes at 9), so when he ends up being my last customer, we’ve ended up having lots of deep conversations while I close up shop. At any rate, he also sees a counselor in town, and he’s been a huge help to me these past couple of weeks, and talking to him on Monday before work took precedence over blogging. Sorry. πŸ™‚

At any rate, I can’t write about everything on here, simply because much of it is too personal in regards to my relationship with my husband. I’m working on boundaries here folks!

However, I can say that I cried…and I cried…and I cried…but it felt really good to cry to a stranger who then would say things like, Well, you have a lot of big decisions to make, so let’s start one at a time since you’re so overwhelmed. 


Ugh. one step at a time. So true.

Here’s a few things she helped me to realize.

I see things much too often in black and white and not often enough in gray.
I focus too much on on what I don’t have instead of what I do have.
I forget to find something each day to be happy about…to feel proud about.
I’ve completely lost my self-confidence in the job market. I’ve lost what I want to do with my life. I need to refocus on that.
I take things onto myself too often.
I’m too much like my Mom sometimes, and I’m sorry Mom, but that petrifies me. You are an AMAZING PERSON with a ton of wonderful qualities, but I don’t want to feel responsible for everyone and everything around me. I don’t want to give up my dreams or career for others. I don’t want to eat my feelings and then feel even worse about myself. I don’t want to go down the path you did. We’re a lot alike, and you and I, for better or worse.

So this week, my homework is to go to yoga at least once to work on centering myself again and to look into pursuing the photography angle as a job prospect in the future. Baby steps, folks, baby steps.

11 comments

  1. Oh my dear, I'm glad you were able to get a lot of things out. That type of crying always feels good.And here's the part where I spam your comments and tell you we need a phone date, where we can actually talk, very soon. Let's make that happen.Love you!!

  2. I am so glad that you were able to get started with the whole counseling thing. I have only been to counseling a few times when I was younger (we went as a family because Big Butter was causin' problems) but as soon as the therapist asked me a question I would burst into tears for no reason. I am glad you sound motivated to get started. I am definitely like you are when it comes to taking everything on myself.

  3. It's funny how we tend to cry when telling someone who cares about this kind of stuff. We might never cry on our own about it, but get us talking, and on go the waterworks (for me, at least). I'm so happy you're moving through some of this stuff, but I know it's hard. Those are really weighty issues to be dealing with. Hang in there, and I hope thinking through it helps you to feel more truly grateful on Thanksgiving.

  4. Sometimes it seems like the people we know and love are the strangers, and people who are strangers understand us the most. I think that emotions and experiences are the ties that bind, and no one can help us through something like someone who's been there…whether we "know" them well or not. Get it all out…good for you for talking instead of bottling it up. It's a good thing! Have a good holiday!

  5. Congratulations on such a successful day!

  6. I'm so glad you've been able to start the process of healing, and getting it all out. I'm thinking of seeing a counselor myself, I've only heard good things about the experience.I love the idea of tackling things one at a time. That really is the best and healthiest way to think of it. It will take longer, but you'll be more successful in the end. Enjoy yoga!! Love you!

  7. Talking to strangers is often times more helpful because you don't sensor yourself as much as you might with a friend/family. I'm glad you were able to get all of your frustrations out and he helped you. I wish I could take your pain away. Yoga sounds like it will be just the thing you need though. Take a deep breath…

  8. Sounds like a great session and I can definitely relate to some of the things you said. When I was seeing a counselor in the spring and told him about IF, he was a little shocked. Needless to say, that didn't last long!

  9. Did you get to blow your nose on this person's shirt sleeve too? That would have been the icing on the cake. πŸ™‚ Congrats on taking the first step into counseling, I have no doubt it will prove to be nothing but wonderful for you. xoxo

  10. Hey just FYI,I changed my http: address. So you are probably going to get an error message if you try to go over to my blog. Sorry I thought it would just update everyone, but apparently the technology level isn't as high as I imagine.here's where I am:www.pajamasarecomfy.blogspot.com

  11. I am so glad that you connected with this counselor. It sounds like just what you need to help sort things out. Really about 95% of the world should be seeing a therapist. We all have issues. :-)Trust me, Josey, there are some paths I've been down that I sure don't want you following in my foot steps on, so no need to say sorry! "Eating my feelings" would be one of them. So by changing that at your age, it will save you a lot of anguish over the years.I love the idea of focusing on what you DO have, as opposed to what you don't. Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.This is all good. xxlove you! Mom

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