Have I ever mentioned how much I love my family? Cuz I do. A lot. 🙂
|Back: Brother, Dad, C, brother-in-law, probable future brother-in-law 🙂
Front: Sister, Mom, me, Sister, Sister
This blog started out as a very private outlet for me to talk about my weight loss and eating disorder issues, among other things. Mixed in with that were sprinklings of my frustration that we weren’t pregnant yet. We had only been TTC for a few months and hadn’t yet figured out that I had amennorhea, thanks to PCOS, and we were still hoping to share a “surprise” pregnancy with our families.
Now, nearly two years later, there are a handful of “real life” people that follow this blog – my Mom and sisters included.
|Our annual sister pic!|
Honestly, it has been so helpful to have this connection with them. They all live 1,000+ miles away, and IF is such a complicated process – some days it was just nice to have them be able to read about what was going on and then call me to talk about it / ask about it, instead of me repeating the BFN misery stories over and over.
Slowly but surely, I’ve also shared this space with a few other close friends over the past year or so. Yes, it moderates what I write at times, but for the most part, I write what I feel, because I’ve made it clear to those that follow me from real life that this is my safe space, my venting space, and to please not take things personally.
That being said, I feel like I’m at a crossroads…
*More and more people in know IRL are finding my space here, from a random old college roommate (who was looking for it) to a girl from my high school who was googling PCOS fertility issues (and randomly recognized my picture!). While I love that this space is here for people who need information on IF issues, it’s a little disconcerting to know that anyone can read this. Yes, I know, blogging is done in a public forum, and I try to never write anything that I wouldn’t be comfortable with my Mom reading (because she does!), but it’s just weird sometimes to think about. 🙂
*I’m pregnant, and though this didn’t start as a fertility blog, it definitely became one, and I know that the vast majority of my followers have IF backgrounds. While I try to be sensitive to that, I also want this to be a true documentation of my pregnancy, and if that includes posts about the misery of never-ending puking (and yes, it sucks, even though I am beyond grateful to be pregnant and have that problem!), so be it. I hate that I feel a need to write a disclaimer on every complaint. If you’ve been following me for any length of time, you know how grateful I am to be here. If you can’t handle the occasional complaint or weekly belly picture, I’m really sorry, but this is my space. My journal. I see my followers number go up and down on occasion, and I get it. I know it’s hard to relate to someone who is in a different space than you. I follow a lot of IF bloggers, and there are only a few I’ve had to “unfollow” once they became pregnant or became Moms, but I get it if you need to do that to me.
*Now that my life isn’t completely consumed by BBT, EWCM, OPKs, HPTs, etc… the content of my posts has changed. In the beginning my blog was about more than TTC, and now it’s reverting back to that state, albeit with a little more openness than before. I like posting about my family, my friends, and my life. Then again, I have a public blog that is sorely neglected because I’m in this space so much. Do I meld them? Do I quit posting about family here? I don’t know.
So that’s where I’m at. No closer to an answer, but sometimes just typing it out helps me to think about things. 🙂 In the meantime, enjoy this video of my silly family making a “whirlpool” at Mom & Dad’s last weekend. The things we do for fun… LOL