I jest in the title, but in all seriousness, my little girl has hundreds of pictures of her first week of life thanks to me and and my Mom. I find myself in absolute awe of her – every silly little thing she does, every face she makes, every wrinkle on her finger… I “need” a picture of it, stat!
|Thanks to Sarah @ Baby Talk for the onesie!|
That being said, while in the midst of TTC/IF hell, it killed me to see cute pictures of babies. I would sadistically, neurotically, and greedily look for them on Facebook, even though every picture of another cute little face was a punch to the gut. I swore I wouldn’t do that myself if I were ever blessed with a child, and here I am, one week in, with 25+ pictures already in an album on FB.
|Thanks to Beeker’s Mom @ The Adventures of Beeker for the AWESOME blanket!|
I’m worried about that in this space as well…much more worried, actually. Before I was pregnant, I never begrudged PAIFers who posted ultrasound pictures, belly pictures, nursery pictures and the like. More often than I’d like to admit, I had to unfollow people for awhile (or just skim those posts)… just because it was simply too hard on my heart, but I never thought they shouldn’t “be allowed” to post those pics and express their thankfulness and joy. I always knew that I, myself, would want the opportunity to post those same photos someday, so I did my absolute best to remind myself that their being pregnant wasn’t the reason I wasn’t.
In some ways I feel the same about baby pictures. This is my little space on the blogosphere where I can document Stella’s life, and I don’t want to feel guilty about that. However, I also know that the vast majority of my followers are fellow IFers, and there is a sense of responsibility that goes along with knowing that. I have 190+ followers, and according to my stat counter, 400+ individual people actually click through to my blog every day, and I know that so many of you are still in the midst of the IF trenches.
Even being here, on my couch, with my baby in my arms… I still feel 100% more connected to (and a part of) the IF community than to any sort of “Mommy Blogger” mentality. I’m petrified of losing my connection to any of the amazing women I’ve met through this space over the past two years, and because of that, I’m feeling a need to censor my posts, my pictures, etc.
How do you find that balance?
Over the next few months, you might see changes in the content around here, you might not. I’m honestly not sure how to proceed. The milestones my daughter reaches, the weight loss struggles I face, the marital highs and lows, the employment and career frustrations in my life… all of these things are important to me and will probably be things I write about, but in what proportions or percentages, I’m not sure.
All I can say is thank you in advance for supporting me through the hardest couple years of my life thus far, and that I hope I can continue to be there for you, wherever you are at on the journey.
Thanks for reading…