So back in the day when I first started this blog (Nov2009), it was going to be a place for me to vent about things in life and to keep myself accountable for working out. I had let my weight creep up and up and up, and I was tired of feeling fat and sad. My first post was all about getting back on the weight-loss band wagon and trying to take better care of myself. The end of that entry said this:
I’m 5′ 8″ and 170#. HFS. That is more than I have ever weighed in my life, and it scares the living crap out of me! I checked my BMI the other day, and I’m solidly in the dreaded fat as hell overweight category.
How did I let this happen??????????????
I always bragged that I could “maintain” at about 155# with not much effort..well, obviously I’ve let THAT notion go! At 145# I feel DAMN good, and if I was ever disciplined enough, I could probably be SMOKING at 135#… so how come I can be so incredibly motivated about so many things in life, but I cannot will not control this?
I am so tired of this battle, and I’m only 27.
Scary thing is that I want to be pregnant. Crave being pregnant. My biological clock is screaming at me, and though we’ve been trying for months, it hasn’t happened, and a scary little voice in the back of my head is saying, “Of course you’re not pregnant. You still love going to the bars and drinking. You’re overweight. Is that any way to be acting if you want to have a baby? Get over yourself! GROW UP before you try and raise a child of your own!”
Damn little voice.
It’s so crazy to look back over the past couple of years at my weight-loss journey and see how far I’ve come. For those of you that are newer followers, I’ve struggled with bulimia off and on for the past decade, and it has taken everything in me to work through that and get into a better head space about myself. The problem is that when I get healthy, then I sometimes have issues with going off the deep end the other way and foregoing portion control completely.
The result of that was that I started this blog at my highest weight ever in Nov 2009 – 172# and a size 12/14. By that following summer (June2010), I was down 20# to 152# and a size 8/10 and feeling pretty great. The goal was to get to 142#, but I kind of lost it over that next year. The whole TTC/IF journey was forefront in my mind, and I was definitely dealing with the stress and unhappines of it all by eating and drinking, even though I knew that the biggest thing I could do to help with my PCOS was to lose weight and get healthy.
By the time January 2011 rolled around, I had put 15# back on (up to 167#) and was not happy with myself. Luckily, that’s the month we finally went to the RE for the first time, and that was the kick in the butt I needed to start getting myself in shape again. I was working out really consistently, eating well, and the weight was very slowly coming off in a healthy way (huge for me!).
April 14, 2011 was the blessed day that we finally got our elusive BFP, and that morning I weighed in at 161#. Not exactly my happy weight, but at least it wasn’t 172#!
I worked very hard during this pregnancy to stay healthy by eating right and moving my body. I really think it paid off, because I felt strong and healthy during the entire pregnancy and labor, which was SO great.
I didn’t weigh myself that final week, but I’m guessing I was at 186-187# by the time I delivered, so up about 25-26#. My goal going into the pregnancy was to not ever weigh more than my husband (195#), so I safely met that goal. 🙂
I’m going to start doing these weight loss check-ins on Wednesdays, but as I mentioned the other day, I will obviously not be starting a diet & exercise program until I’m cleared by my doctor. However, I do have a lot of friends who have said that they actually gained weight the first few months postpartum because they did nothing but sit around and stare at their beautiful babies while still eating whatever they wanted. I don’t want that to happen to me, so here’s to keeping myself accountable!
37 weeks pregnant / 18 hrs post delivery (would have been 38w) / 1 week postpartum
This morning I weighed in at 166#. That means I’ve lost 20 of the 25 pounds I gained during pregnancy (WOW), though my belly still looks about like it did at 20 weeks pregnant.
My 3 goals for the week are simple:
Drink water – lots and lots of water. That will help to keep flushing my system out and to keep myself well-hydrated for breastfeeding.
Eat healthy foods in sensible portions.
WALK to the post office three times instead of driving (as long as I don’t have any more blood clots).
I think that’s pretty doable, right? 🙂