As those of you who have been following me for awhile know, my job situation has been a bit unsteady over the past couple of years. I was an international business major in college, and then accidentally moved to small town America and had to kind of throw that career path out the window. In the past 7+ years, I’ve bartended on and off and done a lot of Administrative Assistant/Office Manager type work, as well as working as a Realtor. I quit my last steady job in October 2010 after 2+ years. It was really good pay, decent benefits (though not health), flexible schedule when I needed it… but the work environment had grown fairly toxic to me, and I needed out. With my husband’s support, I quit… and then he suddenly got laid off.
We went from being totally financially comfortable to spending the last 16 months suddenly struggling to pay the bills thanks to trading off being unemployed, underemployed, and working random side jobs. It’s been quite the ride (including my husband working 1,000+ miles away on the oil rigs last winter while I was going through the IUI process alone here in CO), though it is hard to complain because we are most definitely not alone in these struggles. Have I mentioned that I pray every day for our dang economy to pick back up?
At any rate, from June-October last year (12w-30w of my pregnancy), I was working a seasonal serving job and a seasonal bartending job, and it worked out to be basically full time employment. The money was great, the hours were good, and I really do love the human interaction. BUT, I also miss the business world, and I need to have a steady job with steady hours and a steady paycheck if my husband is going to start his own business this spring (a dream that has been in the works for years now, and it looks like now is the time for him to jump!).
I love that I’ve had the past 7 1/2 weeks to be at home non-stop with Stella, but we have always known I’d have to go back to work at some time. Partially because of where we live, and partially because of our own choices (mortgage, vehicles, and fun stuff), we are just not financially able to be a one income family at this point.
When Stella was about a month old, I started applying for jobs. Keep in mind, I live in a town of about 1,000 people, and a county of about 4,000 people. GOOD jobs are hard to come by, so I was also looking at options in the surrounding towns.
Work for local power company. front desk job + benefits – nope, someone else got the job. Work from home for an overseas resort doing activities bookings – they decided to not refill the position, but will keep me in mind moving forward (we have connections with the owners). Wait it out, bartend again in the summer in the town about 10 miles away – would love this because of flexibility and great money, but can’t afford to wait that long for income to start coming in. Commute to nearby town (30 min) for administrative assistant position. 32h weeks + benefits – nope.
Work 4 blocks from home with 4 day, 40hr workweeks. – Holy shit y’all. I got the job.
They just called and offered me the job and want me to start “as soon as possible.” This scares the shit out of me. It’s not awesome pay, but it’s decent, and I’m pretty sure I have it figured out so that Stella could be with grandma 1 day/week, her aunt 1 day/week, and daycare (small, in home, only 3 other kids) 2 days/week. I’d still get three days a week at home with her, but SHIT you guys, in the past 53 days, I’ve only left her side a handful of times, and never for more than an hour while I ran errands around town. To trust other people to watch her for that long… to not be able to snuggle and feed her and BE there for her for that many hours in a day… how the hell do you do it?
I prayed that I’d get this job, and now I’m feeling so unsure of everything. Logically, financially, I know I should take it and at least give it a shot. But my heart is breaking already, and I’m not sure if I can do it. Who needs to pay bills anyway? …