Compassion Fatigue and PAIL

Trinity @ Three is a Magic Number just wrote an amazing post explaining the concept of compassion fatigue, and it totally struck a chord with me. I struggle with this on a daily basis… how much is too much? How much sadness can I handle? So many of you I have never met and probably never will, yet I find myself crying on a daily basis because of your stories. I’m just not sure how to separate myself from the sadness at times. Does anyone else feel this way? The ALI community is filled with a lot of wonderful joys, but also so much sorrow. It’s a tough, amazing, hard group to be a part of.

Speaking of groups, Elphaba just wrote a great post about “what’s in an infertility blog” and feeling lost in the ALI community. Parenting after infertility or loss is a whole lot different than being a fertile Mommy Blogger, but there isn’t really a “space” for us. We don’t feel comfortable participating in ICLW, because we all remember how much it sucked while you were in TTC hell to come across a parenting blog… yet we want to communicate with others who understand how tough the journey was to get here and not feel like we’re rubbing our “happily ever after” in anyone’s faces. After a lot of positive feedback from other bloggers expressing that they feel the same way, PAIL was born – Parenting/Pregnant After Infertility and Loss. Elphie said, I think the point everyone made in the comments is that what we needed was a network of people that get pregnancy isn’t sunshine and unicorn farts and that being lucky enough to have a baby is an incredible gift.

It’s more about an attitude than a list of criteria you must meet.

I’m so excited to be part of this new blogroll and to find other bloggers who I can identify with!


  1. Woah, how do you make the button? I can't get the one Elphaba sent out to work!

  2. Thats great! Im glad you found a community to fit your changing lifestyle. You have to continue your outlet in a healthy way for you. Your blogging should refill your battery and be a positve outlet for you. I know youd never leave your current IFers behind, but hoping you find the new support you need in addition. 🙂 xoYou've done your IF time and will always feel the hurt of it. You are one of the most comassionate bloggers i know.

  3. THANK YOU JOSEY!!! OMG! I have beeen waiting for something like this! I feel as if I am in limbo in the blog worls, but don't want to start a whole new blog to document Ava, b/c she is aprt of my "journey".

  4. Yes! Thanks too for writing this! As you know I'm new to all of this and going through my first ICLW…but I just feel lost b/c I am having secondary IF and miscarriage issues. My journey with IF started before my daughter, so I also understand where they are coming from too.

  5. This is so perfect! What a great idea. I know so many of us have been feeling this way. I joined, and added the button to my page!

  6. ooo! that's a perfect place for me! I've struggled with how and what to blog after I had Caroline so I just deleted my blog. I know how much it sucks to read about new babies while struggling and I have two healthy kids I feel like I'm bragging or something and then I don't want to complain because I know how shitty that seems to those still trying..

  7. Awesome idea. My blog was made for friends and family and wound up here, thankfully, by accident. I bookmarked it for the future. Thanks so much!

  8. This is perfect and I just signed up – thank you so much!!

  9. I just happened apon your blog today from another I follow and this post was exactly what I needed! I've joined the PAIL list and am now following your journey. Thanks again for passing the word along!

  10. This is great! I know I have had more than a few friends express their frustration over feeling stifled in their blogs after becoming pregnant. You all still DESERVE that support and the outlet to share the realities of where you are. Like I said… this is wonderful! I can't wait to spread it on to some of the women I've come in contact with who have struggled with where to fit in once they've officially become a P.A.I.L!

  11. I've missed reading about your life!

  12. I emailed ya!

  13. PAIL is such a fantastic idea! thanks for letting us know about it. 🙂

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