I have had this thought bouncing around in my head for the past couple of weeks, and yesterday it finally came to a head. For what seemed like the millionth time that day, my husband was holding Stella during her happy, cooing, smiling time, and when she started crying, she got immediately handed off to me.
Don’t get me wrong – there have been times that I could not get her to settle down, and it was only Charlie’s singing and rocking that got her to sleep. He’s honestly wonderful with her.
BUT. Oh, the but. It seems like 95% of the time, the fussy baby goes to Mommy, while the happy baby goes to Daddy.
It’s my own fault really. In the beginning, a lot of it was because of the boob. She was hungry pretty frequently, so the crying was generally out of hunger. Daddy was great about changing the majority of the daytime diapers, but since the feedings fell to me, it just became habit. Baby cries –> she’s probably hungry –> give her to Mommy.
Now, her cries often mean she just wants to be held, jiggled, walked around, rocked, talked to, or whatever… but the fussy baby still gets handed to Mommy. On Friday night, Daddy went out from 7-10pm to hang out with his buddies… and when he got back, we traded spots and I headed out. By 11:30pm, I got a phone call that I needed to come home because she was having a breakdown. Well, UGH. I’ve been drinking, so I can’t feed her anyway (I’d left bottles in the fridge ready for him)… so what in the world do you want me to do that you can’t do?! I walked right home anyway because I felt bad for him, but it would sure be nice if I could go out for more than 90 minutes without worrying that Daddy is going to have a breakdown himself. Poor thing needs to learn how to handle Stella’s breakdowns by himself, as hard as they are to deal with. 🙁
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Now that I wrote out that whole post, it’s been pissing rain and now it’s snowing, so Charlie couldn’t go to work today (they were supposed to set trusses). Instead of paying $40 for daycare while he sits home and watches TV, I told him Stella could just stay home with him. EEEK!! Nothing like a 9 hour crash course in handling your baby alone. *fingers crossed* that he realizes he CAN do this by himself (and that he respects a little more how much time and effort I put into keeping her happy when I’m home with her on my “days off”).
C’mon baby, you can do it! 🙂
Wow, great new blog design lady! Such a fresh surprise this morning. Good luck to Charlie today. One of my best friends often had to go home early from our girls nights to help out at home when one of her children woke up and the husband would call her home. 🙁
Sometimes our hubby's just need to be forced into taking care of the baby and then they gain some confidence in calming them down! Secretly, I love it when I get the fussy baby because no one can calm Aiden like mommy! 🙂
I bet he'll have a wonderful day with her, have more appreciation for you, and realize he can do it. I get the brunt of the grumpiness in the evenings b/c JJ has been with her all day so I can't complain too much. Love the new banner!
My husband is totally the same way. He called me one day while I was out getting pedicures with my friends. He told me that he was exhausted and was about to fall asleep and he didn't think it was safe for him to nap while watching her. I had been gone 90 minutes. I almost lost it! I had to come home and watch her while he TOOK A NAP!! Needless to say, we had a little chat after that and he has been trying to do better….
I'll bet you'll get a lot of comments saying that others are in the same boat. This sounds like a typical male type of thing. 🙂 Hope the house is still standing when you get home today!
Love the new look!McMister has still never been home alone with Gracie while she's awake for more than like 3 hours. She's 18 months old. Though not as scary to most people as a little baby is, I think him staying home with her now would be sooooooo much harder to jump right into. He was home for a while in he late afternoon last week and was shocked at how exhausting it is! It felt nice 🙂
Same here with the hubby! Left for 20 minutes at 8 weeks old and he was calling me saying to come home, granted, I didn't leave milk since I was only going to be gone an hour (very last minute) but still. Hope he makes it;)
Husbands make me laugh. Mine was telling me the other day what he plans to do while he is "babysitting" our son (he plans to just drive him around in the car until he sleeps.) I quickly had to remind him that being alone with one's OWN child is not called babysitting… I think I'm going to try and crash course him early, wish me luck!
Caroline is almost a year and I still get this 🙂
I meant to write that your new header is just so stinkin sweet!! Love it!
oh, the daddy hand-off. classic. 😉 B does the same thing every time! as frustrated as i get about it, it sure makes me feel good to know that mack usually calms down as soon as he's in my arms, though. 🙂
He'll be just fine and hopefully the experience makes everything a little more even. It is hard to always feel like you deal with the sad baby. Right now we are experiencing the opposite, which is hilarious actually. At 9 months Jack had separation anxiety from me and now he is having it from Andy. I have now dubbed Andy "Mom"….things are a little different in our house. Anyway, I can't wait to hear how Charlie did.
Yup, it's a guy thing for sure! I get that not all men are like that but from the guys I know most are. I tell my hubby often (as a joke) that he should leave his job and be a stay at home dad or better yet open a daycare. Haha! I am sure they had a good day together. One he will remember forever!
I agree that husbands don't have that "mom instinct" but I swear as soon as Steve gets home, Emily is the happiest baby on Earth. I hope Charlie does ok!!
I love your new layout. Stella is so adorable 🙂
Ugh… yeah. Maggie doesn't really fuss so much anymore, but when she was Stells age, Josh would always hand her off immediately. He still defers to me when it comes to anything but the fun stuff. Annoying!
Well, I hope he survived it!And I love your new blog design. Plus, it is not heavy and did not take eons to load…I like that too!
Good for you! Sometimes you have to just drop them in the grease because they'll never volunteer to take the baby for that long a stretch by themselves! I can barely get Drew to change her diaper without him calling for help! He got poop on his hand once and was yelling for me. I walked in, told him I do this by myself every single day. He was like, 'but I'm not as good as you are!' "That's why you need the practice." And I walked out.I've also put him in charge of her bath every night and he tried to pull the 'mommy needs some quality time with you so she can give you your bath' routine and I was like 'nice try, YOU are in charge of the bath.' He grumbled but he did it.Next step is for me to get a haircut and maybe a pedi while he watches her! 🙂
All they need sometimes is a bit of confidence like we all do. My husband does this too, for us it was the boob aswell. Hopefully having this time with Stella will grow his confidence but way to go putting him in the deep end! Love your new header, Stella is so gorgeous 🙂
Yeah, and that is NOT going to sit well with me. We need to break that habit of Daddy's now! 🙂
It's a good feeling that I can calm her the easiest, but I definitely want Char to feel comfortable doing it as well. i NEED to be able to get out and about at times!
I'm so impressed by how active of a roll JJ has taken in her upbringing. So cool. :)Thanks – it was time for a fresh change!
I'd have lost my mind on him if I was you! Men… *shaking head*
Stella isn't a fan of the car and rarely sleeps in the carseat, so Charlie wouldn't even be able to try that tactic of "babysitting!" LOL
Thanks, hon! I miss you blogging!
That's why you need the practice…LOL.. awesome Desiree!!
I bet Charlie did great! Last week Stan stayed home with Sofia one day and when I got home he said something along the lines of, "You're doing a really great job. I didn't realize quite how much work was involved." FINALLY!!