Most days I am so grateful to be part of the ALI community, but some days I HATE that it will always be a part of me. There is such an ugly jealous side of me that comes out from being an IFer.
I just got a text from a close girlfriend of mine. She has a 3yo (had 1 m/c while TTC#1 and then her BFP) and they have been vacillating for the past two years on if they were going to try for #2. She is 37, so age was becoming a factor. Apparently they decided to start TTC this coming summer, but in the meantime, oops. Surprise BFP.
They were going to call and tell us this week, but she just texted and said that they found out at 7w that she was having a m/c (yolk sac measured 4w with no fetal pole). When she wrote me that, I started crying for her…and when she followed it up with the text “Im ok was total shock 2 b preggo-we werent tryn. I know u dont want 2 hear that”…it’s like I just went numb.
This is someone who is struggling and just had her 2nd m/c…who wants to be a Mom again eventually…who has taken the time to be SO supportive to me through our TTC troubles…and I still have a hard fucking time dealing with her “oops” pregnancy.
Oddly enough, when that happened to one of my IF blog friends who I’ve met IRL (*cough*BU*cough), I was ecstatic for her. Why is it different? Is it because I’ve read so in depth about her pain and TTC struggles and not my IRL friend’s pain? I don’t get it. I just don’t want to be a jealous bitch.