The PAIL Monthly Theme Post for July is “Considerations on Family Building.” In some ways, I cannot believe that TTC#2 is even on my radar already, but I suppose it makes sense that it is.
I am the eldest of five children, and my husband is the middle of three. We are both blessed to have awesome, wonderful, meaningful, fun, loving relationships with our siblings. I mean, seriously, I know conceptually that not all people get along with their siblings, but I cannot even imagine that. I truly believe that you could throw my husband and I on a deserted island with any of our siblings, and of course there would be stressful times, but more than anything, we would be stoked to have some quality time with family.
|One of my favorite pictures ever of my husband with his brother and sister!
This is from seven years ago (the first summer we were dating). They are so goofy. 🙂
|This past Christmas, when all of my siblings flew out to meet their first niece!|
Thanks in large part to our positive relationships with our siblings, my husband and I both always thought that we wanted/would have a lot of kids. Pre-IF issues, I thought four, he thought three. NOW, we’re thinking hopefully two, but maybe just one. How things change.
Four years ago, back when we were first married, Charlie and I had a random discussion about how we had both always seen pursuing adoption as part of our family building experience. I actually remember the section of road we were driving when the topic came up (CR1 by his buddy’s parent’s old place). Isn’t that weird that I remember that? Of course, this is when we were fairly ignorant about the reality of how difficult adoption truly is. I hate to admit that we had a “we’ll just adopt” mentality. We thought that we would conceive #1 and then adopt #2 and go from there.
Once we had difficulties conceiving Stella, I briefly thought about adoption…but then through reading ALI blogs, I realized that adoption is not at all the easy option, and though I still thought it was an option for us in the future, I also wasn’t ready to let go of the dream of having a biological child.
Now, I really don’t know what lays ahead for us.
Most days, we are both thinking that we would love for Stella to have a sibling. Though I really didn’t enjoy pregnancy (for the most part), I love having a baby, and I love having Stella as part of our lives. She is a mini-me of my husband, and I would love to see if #2 might perhaps resemble me a bit. 🙂
Then I think, HFS, what if I can’t conceive #2 without ART?
Part of me hopes…and almost, believes…that my body has magically reset itself and BFP#2 will come about no problem. I have a few ALI friends that it has happened for recently, and that gives me hope. Never mind that I’m still breastfeeding, haven’t had one postpartum period to see what’s going on with my cycles, and the RE wasn’t even sure I had lean PCOS in the first place or if I was unexplained IF. Maybe I’m still magically fixed??
But what if I’m not? Do we save up the money to try IUIs again? Do we wait for the time that would have to go by to go down that road again? Diagnostic work + 1 IUI cost us $10k last time. That’s a lot of freaking money, and I know we were lucky as hell that IUI#1 worked for us. I’m not opposed to IVF if necessary, but wouldn’t it instead make sense to start saving the $30k+ for adoption? Do we just decide to stick to one and not enter back into the minefield that is TTC? Do we start TTC now? Isn’t that what we’re doing since I declined birth control at my 6w postpartum appointment? Don’t we have to have sex for that to even possibly work?
*sigh* So many questions.
As for child spacing, I have no freakin’ clue. My husband has alternately made suggestions like, “Let’s start trying for #2 in December when Stells turns one” … and “I’m fine with just one child.”
Ha. So I have no idea.
*If we miraculously get a BFP while “not not trying” (a phrase that I loathe), it would be scary as hell to have siblings so close in age, but such a blessing.
*There is no way we are trying to TTC until at least after my sister’s wedding in February. Stella and I are both in the wedding, and selfishly, I’d love to drink and party and have my body be MINE for a bit.
*Once/if we do “try,” I have no idea how long we would give it before turning to ART again, pledging to be content with one, or to start saving to pursue adoption. I was such a freakin’ mess during TTC#1, and it was SO hard on our marriage, that I just don’t know if I/we can do it again.
*I reserve the right to change my mind on any/all parts of this post at any moment. This is just what I’m feeling today. 🙂
|Charlie and I with both of our immediate families on Christmas Day, 2011. LOVE.|
*ETA – for those of you who haven’t followed me for awhile, I live in the middle of nowhere and the closest RE is 6 hours away, so IUI cycles are NOT the easiest thing in the world to orchestrate for us. Apparently there is an OB about 2 hrs away would can do IUIs only (no IVF, which is why we didn’t bother with him in the first place, b/c we had no idea how much ART we would do to get Stella), but I’m not an established patient there, so that’s opening a whole ‘nuther can of worms of referrals and testing, and 2 hrs is still not an easy drive and would require tons of time off of work. 😛