Words of Affirmation

Four years ago this month, my husband and I were married in a gorgeous ceremony on the side of the mountain, just minutes from where we now make our home. Four years ago this month, I received two copies of The Five Love Languages (one as a bridal shower gift, one as a wedding gift), and I was blown away by what I read.

For those of you who have never read the book – go buy/borrow it now. It will enlighten you about your relationships and your friendships with your spouse, your kids, your friends, you family – everyone.

The basic premise is that everyone feels most loved in different ways, and that everyone has one of 5 love languages that mean the most to them.

For me, the #1 way I feel loved is through Quality Time, and my #2 is Physical Touch.
For my husband, his #1 way of feeling loved is through Words of Affirmation, and his #2 is Acts of Service.
Thankfully, neither of us really cares about Receiving Gifts, which makes birthdays and holidays easier. 🙂

However, this book really opened my eyes to the fact that just b/c I feel most loved when Charlie turns off the TV, sits with me on the couch, and cuddles and talks…he would feel more loved if I washed his laundry and told him I appreciated how hard he worked that day for our family and how much I love him for it.

Wow. What a difference, eh? To him, it often doesn’t occur to him to kiss or hug (though he does give me a goodbye kiss every morning now!), and he doesn’t get that having the TV on or the iPad in his lap doesn’t constitute Quality Time to me. To me, it often doesn’t occur to me to use Words of Affirmation when speaking with him, and I forget how much he appreciates and feels loved when I do little things to make his life easier.

This past week was a rough one in our household. Stells was having issues sleeping (which have gotten SOOO much better – I’ll write about that later!), and the severe lack of sleep was making me crazy. We have both been working a ton, we were both run down, and treating each other with love and respect just wasn’t happening. When I’m tired, I speak too sharply and don’t use my words in a loving way. To someone like my husband, whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation, I have to remember that it cuts him when I do that.

So here is my goal… every day, I will make a point of using my words to thank my husband, to appreciate my husband, and to make him feel loved. I will also use my words to ask him to turn the TV off, cuddle with me on the couch, or go for a walk together after work.

Having a strong marriage is so important, and I feel like we have been letting that slide lately. Friday night was the FIRST date night we have had since Stella was born, and it’s time to make us more of a priority!

6 years ago, when it was all about us. 🙂


  1. I love that book. My primary is quality time too. And my husbands is physical touch and words of affirmation. Thanks for reminding me of this today! Its so easy to forget to speak in love languages! Glad to hear the sleeping is better! Cant wait to hear what worked!

  2. I also love the book – and my primary is quality time and his is words of affirmation as well. Thanks for a great reminder to make sure that he is feeling loved and that we need to take care of "us" too!

  3. I, too, love love love that book. It's so easy to forget to do those little things that may not mean much to you, but mean the world to him. Thank you for the reminder! And that picture of you guys is so cute! AND I'm glad Stella's sleeping better. It really can make all the difference in the world!

  4. I just find my next book. Couldn't come at a better time. Thanks Josey.

  5. I will have to pick up the book. It sounds awesome! Thanks for the info!

  6. I have been meaning to get this book for YEARS. I am 100% certain that my husband and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum and we would totally benefit from this.

  7. I will have to check that book out. So glad you guys had some time for yourselves!

  8. I always wondered if that was a good book, I will have to check it out!

  9. happy anniversary!!! that is a phenomanal book! I loaned my copy to a friend and never got it back, which really stinks because i've been thinking about it lately and wanting to reread it. this post makes me want to go out and just buy another copy! y'all are so cute! congrats on four years and here's to a lifetime of happiness!

  10. Wow.. I have never heard of this book but it really sounds like something I need to read!! Anthony and I are definitely very different from each other in this sense (almost match you and Charlie exactly) and I never really think about this… I usually just think of my side and wonder why he doesn't always want to kiss me and hug me or cuddle with me on the couch the same way I want to. He'd much rather hear me tell him how proud I am of how hard he has been working and also he'd feel especially loved if I did some little extra things around the house, without moaning or asking him to do it first, but just to show my love. Can't believe I have not really thought about this before. Thanks for sharing. I'll have to figure out how to get my hands on this book.

  11. Your feelings of love sounds just like Josh and I. I too value quality time. I will have to check out this book.

  12. It's so funny that you posted about this, because B bought those books (one for each of us) when we met and we never read them. He just brought them up the other day and said we need to do it. He's right!Good for you guys for focusing on what the other needs. It gets very hard to focus on anyone or anything but the baby once there is a baby. We've had similar conversations the last several months. Get a date night set up now! I'll make a deal with you – you get a sitter lined up and I will too! We are just as in need of a date night as anyone!

  13. Love the book! And I love that you recognize that your marriage is just as important as your family. Andy & I had a date night last Friday too and we had soooo much fun. We were Andy & Shannon and not Daddy & Mommy. And I always try to remember that a happy marriage breeds happy children!

  14. I love this post, it's a great reminder to put your partner/relationship back on top. It's so easy to let it slip after you have a baby.Also, you guys are adorable 🙂

  15. I've been meaning to get that book. Think I just found my next read. Great post!

  16. I love that book!!! I have read it several times and it is interesting to see that actually over the years my #1 has been different in different relationships. Quality time was big for me with my ex because I never saw him. Now living and working with Cloudy MORE time together is at the bottom of my list. I'm like Charlie, words of affirmation is #1 for me now. And physical touch is Cloudy's. It's pretty powerful when you know someone else's. ps that picture is adorable!

  17. I do love that book 🙂 So glad you guys are making the effort to refocus. One of the things I learned when my parent's marriage fell apart after 27 years, was how vital it is to put your marriage as a priority. Can't wait to read about more date nights! Hubster and I are always trying to find new ideas that are of the affordable variety!

  18. I'm going to have to go look for this book. I've never even heard of it, but it sounds like some really solid theory that goes beyond the "men and women are from different planets" line.

  19. […] for help from all of you. You guys came through in epic proportion with help and advice! Then in Words of Affirmation, I talked about the importance of remembering (and honoring!) your partner’s love language, […]

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