Alternate Realities

I am suddenly feeling as if the last week has thrust me into an alternate reality. One week ago, I had interviewed for a new job, and I was praying they gave me a good offer (well, any offer at all), and last Friday they offered me the job. It wasn’t for as much money as I was hoping for, but it had a  lot of potential for growth, it sounded like it would be a really interesting position, I’d be working just two blocks from home, and it was for more money than I’m making now, while keeping my same four day work week. Perfect, right?

That evening, I emailed my current boss, and basically laid it out there that I needed to be making quite a bit more money to make ends meet, and that as much as I loved working for him, he needed to pony up or I was leaving.

On Sunday I got a positive pregnancy test, and my balls went out the window.

You see, I have short term and long term disability insurance through my current job, which means I’d get some semblance of a maternity leave with pay. I also know that my current job (at a medical clinic) gives me lots of time breaks for pumping, and they are very “family friendly” if I need days/time off for baby stuff.

Suddenly the path I thought I was heading down wasn’t so clear.

I’ve spent all week worrying about this, and today my boss and I finally sat down and talked about everything. I did NOT tell him I was newly pregnant (oh HELL no he doesn’t get that little tidbit of information yet)… but I did tell him that I needed at least another $4/hr to stay. Considering how little I’ve been making, that was a HUGE raise to ask for, but I didn’t dare ask for less and undervalue myself. I also didn’t dare ask for more, because I didn’t want him to run from the room laughing. Suddenly, I really kind of want/need to stay.

Thankfully, after much discussion, he agreed to it. I’m still in a bit of shock about it all, but I’m pretty seriously considering staying put now. It doesn’t mean I’ve quit worrying though. Now I worry that I’ll have regrets if I don’t leave. New job opportunities in this town are few and far between (pop. < 1000 here). What if I lose this baby? What if I pass up this opportunity for nothing? Am I giving up a chance at a dream job that I’ll love for years down the road?

However, if all goes well with this pregnancy, I really do think it will be better for me to stay put for more immediate financial and conveneince reasons.

So what would you do? Stay? Or Go?

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20 comments

  1. OH! Such a tough place to be. There are so many things to consider. I would probably stay.Those are some pretty good benefits. Obviously the boss thinks highly of you to agree to the hefty raise and the family friendly environment is pretty awesome. However, if you’re really looking to advance yourself and your current position doesn’t offer that, a change might be in order. As I’m not in a role for advancement, the decision would be easy for me. I’m not a career oriented person, it’s really just a job to me. I have no desire to move up the ladder/management. I’m probably not much help, but with your current situation, I’d stay if I were you 😀 Good luck!

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  2. Oh that is sooo hard. Congrats on the raise though!!!!!just my personal opinion but I would rather stay with a place and know that they will take care of me and value my family needing me rather than switching jobs to a place where they may not.

    from an HR stand point one thing you need to keep in mind is that your new employer doesn’t have to give you FMLA if you’ve been there for under one year. Most places do you still take care of their employees even if they have not been there less than a year but just something to consider or ask about!

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    1. FMLA only applies if you work for companies of 25+ employees, which neither of these are, so it’s a non-issue for that!

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      1. Oh! Small town, I forgot!!!!

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  3. B always reminds me that we now make decisions for the NOW, not for the “what if’s.”. During IF, everything we decided centered around if we were pregnant, if the cycle failed, etc, and some bad decisions were made. I am much happier making decisions based on the NOW. If you were deciding based on what is currently happening NOW, it sounds like you would stay.

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  4. Like the others, I can’t possibly know what it is like to be you in this exact situation but from what I do know, I would have to say I would stay where you are. Your boss sounds pretty great to agree to the raise.. and that family friendly side of it is a huge plus. And then the benefits.. it all seems too much to give up right now. A shame that it may risk the chance to move up with another company in future but Courtney (and her husband) are right.. best to focus on the now because you just never know what can happen a few years down the road. Good luck with this tough choice!!

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  5. mandski · · Reply

    Wow!! Congratulations on the pregnancy, the raise and the job opportunity!!! You have got it going on! I HATE that place of what if. It sounds like your boss really values you though, so there’s more than one upside to saying. As far as other job opportunities go, I really think you can find a way to work remotely at something you love someday when you want to put your mind to finding that.

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  6. With as little info as I have.. I’d stay. Unless this new job is your dream job for a career move. I’ve wanted to leave my job so many times over the past 7.5 years and sticking it out really rewarded me in the end. I never saw it being the right job for me until many things fell into place that could only come from putting in the time, gaining respect (like you asking for your raise) and honing in on the duties I really enjoyed and making that my role.

    I recently was kind of offered something bigger better, but it’s not quite what I want to do, an definitely not as flexible or peaceful as what I have now. And with a little one I just need that piece of mind, as exciting as it is to try something new, something just doesn’t feel right. It seems like you are leaning towards staying too if I’m feeling you right.

    Little January baby will be here to stay. Xoxo

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  7. Hmmm. I think I would stay. I really believe things happen for a reason and you getting an AMAZING bit of news Sunday was kind of a big sign that you should keep the family friendly job…AND he agreed to the raise. So I think for now this a great plan for you! Sure, there will be what ifs about the other job. But from the outside looking in, it looks like it’s just not the right time for that. I am still sooooooooooo excited about your news!

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  8. Becky · · Reply

    So exciting about baby number 2. I find it interesting things always happen in clumps to make life more ‘exciting’. My opinion (from someone that employees people) if you have a goodie you do your darnest to keep them. The fact you have a new job offer and your Boss is willing to give you what you asked. You’re a goodie and worth keeping. Good people get more opportunities. Make decision on the info you have right now as the look and feel for next year could be very different. I am sure you’ll do just fine which ever decision you make. You seem like the kind of person that makes the most out of any situation. Good luck!

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  9. Congrats on the pregnancy and raise! It’s a hard decision but I would probably stay. You have benefits and have a job after the birth…. The new company might not keep your job for you since fmla doesn’t apply. Ps fmla is 50 employees in a 75 mile radius …. Good luck with your decision and I will be thinking about you!

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  10. Yay, congrats on the pregnancy Josey!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  11. Wow! So many great things! I think stay. You’ll have plenty of time to further your career when your kidSSSS 🙂 are older. Now is your baby-makin’ baby-raisin’ time. A job that allows you to do that the way you want AND is willing to give you the money you need to do it is the right choice in my mind. I don’t think, in the grand scheme of things, when you’re looking back on your life, you’ll coulda woulda shoulda about this other job, though it does sound exciting.

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  12. I like Courtney’s comment and making decisions for the now and not trying to guess the what-ifs down the road. If it were me, I would choose to stay. I remember how good you had it when you went back to work, being able to take off if needed or even taking Stella with you on occasion, being close to the sitter, etc. Of course do what you feel is right for you guys, and I know this isn’t an easy decision. I’m glad you found out your big news when you did though and congrats on the awesome raise!!! I think that says a lot about your employer and that they are good people.

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  13. What a tough decision. I’m saying a prayer right now that you will have wisdom and peace – whatever way you end up going. Even though it’s a tough call to make, I’m so glad that you have options.

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  14. What an impossible decision! We had to make a similar one a year ago, as I got a job offer 500 miles away 4 weeks before we were scheduled to start IVF#1. Ultimately I accepted the job and canceled the IVF, but I still sometimes wonder. That said, my old work environment was toxic, my state had no IF benefits, and it would have been a terrible environment to raise a child in. So, yes, my decision was made based on both the now (improving my work environment, HUGE pay jump, moving to an IF mandate state) and the what if (moving to a family friendly community). I think it is OK if decisions are made with a little input from both sides.

    I would probably agree with most the folks above that your positive experiences with your current employer during your first pregnancy are worth their weight in gold. Being able to feel confident that all will go smoothly with this employer is HUGE. In my case, we had to go from a scheduled IVF to trying to avoid/BCPs for 6 months because I was both 1. terrified of looking bad to my new employer if I were to get pregnant right away (har har!) and 2. because I wanted to be eligible for FMLA benefits. Being immediately pregnant in a new job can be a HUGE amount of stress. I did get pregnant at my 6 month mark of being with this employer (though lost it) and even still I was worried what my supervisors might think of me showing up and (seemingly) getting immediately and easily knocked up.

    Not an easy choice, but it must feel good to have these choices! Congrats and good luck with the difficult decision ahead!

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  15. I didn’t read the other comments, but I would… without question… STAY.

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  16. shannon · · Reply

    Does the new job have benefits like your current position? Any type of leave? Either way, you are now making the money you wanted so its up to you to decide what is most important long term. Not immediately, but two years from now, five years, etc. It may be that in two yrs, you really regret not taking the new job bc you could have moved up. And increased your pay, experience, knowledge, etc. I hate choices like this! Wishing you luck on the decision!

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  17. Being as you are pregnant or will be TTC so a pregnancy and child is always possible, I would stay. Family comes first.

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  18. […] the rest of the day all weepy from your amazing comments! I was struggling with thoughts about whether or not to accept a new job offer that happened at the same time (I ended up turning it down), and I spent the next few weeks […]

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