I’m afraid to even type this out loud, but I think I’m turning a corner in the vomiting department after having the sickest weekend of my life last weekend. I’m still nauseous all day, but for the past two days I haven’t puked all day (only in the evenings/night), which is a VAST improvement for me. With Stella I got sick at 6w4d and at 10w started feeling better – this baby just seems to be doing it all a week ahead of schedule! *knock on wood* Of course I’ll probably feel like shit again tomorrow, but at least I had today to feel decent, right? I’m down 5# in the past 3 weeks, so it’d be nice to be able to stabilizing and start feeling better.
On that note, one of my closest IRL friends told me today that’s she’s in the middle of miscarrying. This scares the shit out of me.
- One of my other best girlfriends got pregnant the same time as me last time, but she ended up miscarrying and I didn’t. 3 months later she conceived again, and she now has an adorable little boy who is great friends with Stella — and she’s 6w pregnant again.
- The friend today had no issues conceiving last time (her daughter is 6 months younger than Stella), and it only took two months this time. But now this.
To reiterate, that’s:
- Friend A: 1 miscarriage (probably 2-3 chemicals actually) while TTC#1 for healthy baby boy + 6w pregnant now.
- Friend B: 1 healthy baby girl + 1 miscarriage (would have been 7w pregnant now with #2)
- Me: PCOS/unexplained IF (never a loss) while TTC#1 for a health baby girl + 9w pregnant now.
It just feels like I’ve gotten too “lucky” to never experience the heartache of loss. Our heartache involved never being able to get pregnant in the first place. That was hard as hell – to not know if my body was even capable of GETTING pregnant – but I have a feeling that experiencing the loss side of things is no easier – simply a different sort of pain.
When I found out that two of my three best friends in town were both pregnant and due within one month of me, it felt too good to be true (which is why I haven’t written about it until now). We know the stats – we know how often early pregnancy ends in miscarriage – and it felt like I spent the last few weeks wondering “who’s it gonna be?”
I’m feeling absolutely horrible for my friend today, and sickly relieved it wasn’t me. I know that her misfortune doesn’t ensure the health of my fetus by any means, but it reminds me of how lucky I am to have made it this far. I know – we haven’t even seen him/her on a screen, we haven’t seen the heartbeat, and we really don’t know what’s going on. Add to that my decreasing nausea, and I’m suddenly pretty afraid. BUT, I’m doing my best to stay positive and think “we made it this far…”