We have known that there is a penis in my uterus for less than 100 hours (WEIRD), but it has blown me away how many times people have already said to us variations of “perfect! one of each!” or “the perfect family – one boy, one girl!” or “you must be so happy to be having a boy so you don’t have to try for a third!”
I mean, really?
I know the comments aren’t being said to be rude (and if you said this to me, please don’t think I’m upset with you!), but what would those people have said if the announcement said “It’s a girl!” instead? Also, would we have been getting the same comments if #1 had been a boy?
Before we knew the sex of this kiddo, Charlie and I had both expressed that we were hoping for a girl, really for no reasons other than (1) we already have all the girl stuff, and (2) I’m so close with my sisters, and I just thought that’d be such a fun relationship to see grow. (Sorry little man – we are SUPER stoked you’re a “he” so please don’t get a complex about this if you read this in the future someday!) Time and time again, people were astounded that Charlie wasn’t saying he preferred a boy, and many insinuated that our family somehow wouldn’t be complete without a male offspring. Isn’t that weird?
At any rate, Shannon wrote a post last Friday that really struck a chord with me – I think because Charlie and I were already feeling like this child was a boy, and I was already anticipating comments like the ones I mentioned above. In her post, Shannon said:
And when I was told that Squish was in fact a boy, although my daydreams of little girls playing together, sharing clothes and making dance routines fell out the window, I started crying tears of joy. I’m having one of each. I’ll have a daughter and a son.
The instant I saw our baby on that screen on Saturday morning, rolling and kicking and little heart beating, all I felt was joy.. There was our baby. Our healthy, amazing little miracle of a baby. This was the baby we never dared hope we’d be able to conceive – and the sibling we never thought our daughter would have. With every perfect measurement and every flicker of that heart, my joy grew and I fell a little more in love with this kid, before I even knew if he was a he or a she. When we saw the undeniable proof that holy crap there is a penis growing inside of me – tears. Tears of joy. I didn’t even realize I was crying at first, but then I realized that the table I was laying on was wet from the tears dripping out of my eyes. Charlie was grinning from ear to ear, and this was real – we were having a boy.
God is good.
Amen to that. 🙂 it shocks me how often people ask me if we’ll try again, “you know, for a boy this time.” Le sigh. I do think parenting both sexes has got to be a unique experience. Just like parenting sisters. Or parenting brothers. I mean, WHAT combination wouldn’t be awesome (and challenging and special and amazing…)? 😉
Exactly this! Except we get “are you going to try for a girl next?” Um no…because that is not a thing (GAH!!!). And I love my boys. They are what I was given and therefore all I’ve ever wanted.
Amen to this! My own mother thinks we want a third so we can try for a girl, when I’ve said since Matthew was born that we want 3 boys. And this from a woman with 3 girls and no boys!
What I want is the children I’m given. Period. I will take what I can get (but yeah, I want a third boy. Ha! But a girl would be awesome too!).
What a perfect ultrasound image!
I’m still so excited about your boy!
UGH!!! I have been meaning to comment for FOREVER! So happy for you on the news of your son, very exciting. You WILL definatley get pissed on, no matter what!
What tends to really get my goat is all the expectation that “two is the magic number”. I mean, what if you wanted three or four? Suddenly you’re treated like a freak. So the whole “now you won’t have to try for a third” gets me in a tizzy.
I’m so happy that your baby is healthy and happy and growing just as he should. 🙂 Because isn’t that more important than genatalia anyway??
People do have an amazing habit of saying, “Perfect, one of each.” I’m not sure what to say to that except, “thanks”.
I have heard the “perfect! One of each! SO MANY TIMES! It’s a bit disconcerting.
My partner also didn’t particularly want a boy. I was similarly excited about the prospect of sisters but also was curious what it would be like to have a son. I also thought it might be nice for my parents to have a grandson since my mom lost her three boys to stillbirth. All in all we both didn’t care much either way, but I was very curious to find out.
I must have thought I was having a girl, deep down (maybe just because I already had one and it was familiar and easy to think about having another one?) because it took me almost a week to get over my shock that I was having a boy. There are still days I’m taken aback by it. But honestly, I fell in love with my little man all the harder when I knew he was a boy. I can’t wait to meet him.
We get that all the time, we have 2 girls then 2 boys, double set. Enjoy & congrats.
Yes yes yes. I obviously agree with you. And those comments probably strike an even deeper chord with you because of the struggles you had to conceive (at least with Stells). Because there is also the scenario of what if you couldn’t conceive again? Would people have thought just having Stella wasn’t perfect?
I’m just so happy that you got to see your little man and can’t wait to follow you (and kinda join along with you) on this journey!
Exactly – that was the other side of it for me. Was our family not “perfect” when it was just Stella? Gah. I know ppl aren’t thinking of that when they say things, but I sure wish they would.
I agree with someone else’s comment about being told “2 is the magic number.” After treatments to conceive our first 2 (they are 15 1/2 months apart) and we had a boy then a girl people said “what a perfect family! A boy and a girl!” and were totally shocked when I conceived baby #3 easily after 2 losses and had another boy. Even more shocked I am pregnant with #4 which also happened easily compared to the first 2.
I have been asked if I am tying my tubes (no, nothing against it just not for me!) and if I prefer a boy or a girl. What the heck?! After treatments for MF for the first 2 and 2 losses in a row, 3 healthy kids, why would I care?! I think people just talk without thinking. Really.
Anyway, I am super excited for you about your little guy! 🙂
I have a post like this rolling around in my head. Since Avery people have commented to me”will you try for a boy”? As if two girls wasn’t enough of a gift. I went through hell to have one, then to hell and back to have a second child and people think I would care about that? Ugh, disgusts me actually. Any child is a blessing…and you are right, God is good!
Oh I hear this ALL.THE.TIME. And no we’re not done…we might even have 2 more if we’re really lucky. I could give two squats about the sexes of our next children. I swore up and a down this was a girl. I honestly didn’t think we could have a boy. There are no boys on my husband’s side so this is a first. But the whole, “perfect family” crap, no matter how well intentioned annoys the crap out of me. My family would have been perfect with Raegan alone or with the whole army of 6 if all the kids had taken. As it stands it appears we will have at least 2 children and I’m grateful to even have those, regardless of their sex. We didn’t think any children would be possible and we’ve been lucky enough to get 1.5 so far. Who knows what the comments would have been if this was a second daughter? We are just so blessed to be having another. So excited for you and what a great picture….Hello little man!!!
Yeah, I pretty much have the same post in my head as you and Shannon, but coming from the perspective that we already have two girls and don’t know the sex of the third baby yet. I know it has to do with being hormonal, but I get so offended by what people say. But I’m sure I said just as stupid stuff to expectant couples before I became part of one. I’m sure I still say stupid stuff. Woah, rambling.
Anyway, congrats again on your son 🙂 You and Charlie (and Stella) deserve all the happiness a new baby brings.
And he is super adorable already! Are you keeping his name a secret? I forgot if you kept Stella’s on the hush..actually I think you did right? I kind of always got turned off when I would hear people make comments like that to other people. Of course, they mean no harm in it. But why does having one boy and one girl have to mean a “perfect family?” 🙂 It feels like just yesterday Stella was born!!! 🙂
No, not secret – just haven’t agreed on a name yet! With Stella we were pretty sure it’d be Stella Joan, but didn’t decide for sure until she came out. We definitely shared the name with people though. Right now I’m pushing for Oskar Adam and Charlie is pushing for Grayson Adam. We shall see. 🙂
There must be some sort of training class on what not to say to pregnant women and moms. And it seems like most of the population attends! For what it’s worth I know people who have had another kid to “try for a boy/girl” and after they didn’t get one, they said it was even better that way and couldn’t imagine things differently.
Love this!!! Of course you would feel those feelings when you found out it was a boy… or if it had been a girl… because it is your baby!!! Your kicking, squirming, beautiful baby. And I am sure that knowing only made it feel that much more real. I am so happy for you and your baby boy! Yep, you will certainly be a perfect little family… the same way you were with just Stella, the same way you would have been with another girl, or 4 more kids!
I have two boys and before the second one was even BORN, people were already asking if we were going to try again for a girl. WTF people! Now we are pregnant with our third (but don’t know what it is yet) and almost everyone we’ve told has asked if we planned this or if it was an accident. Again, WTF, people!
I hear this all the time too! I’m so lucky! It’s so perfect~ one of each, two and done! sigh. It bugs me, but I’m so used to it by now. I was hoping for a boy, like you said, we have all the stuff, and BROTHERS! but a boy and a girl, is amazing and awesome and more than we ever hoped for too.
He is beautiful already! What a perfect baby. Yay!
When Pip was born (we didn’t find out gender ahead of time) we got a lot of those comments too. The ‘king’s family’, the ‘millionaire family’, the ‘perfect family’. I was actually convinced that Pip was going to be a girl, and daydreamed about Ginny having a little sister. Heck, I wanted to see another baby wear all of the beautiful girly clothes we already had.
Your wee little man is beautiful!
I guess it’s the current “American Dream” to have one of each. I’ve felt like we got some surprised reactions from the family we’ve told so far that I’m pregnant again — and this will hopefully be take-home baby #2. Everyone seems to be rooting for me to have a girl since I have a boy, especially my MIL. Really, after our loss and what I went through, I just want a healty take-home baby. At the end of the day I won’t care what we’re having as long as I get to bring home a baby. Sometimes I wish others could think about that before opening their mouths.
Your little boy is already photogenic 🙂
Congratulations so much on your new baby! I’m so happy for you! I’m about to make my own little announcement and this post has hit a major chord with me. Big hugs mama!!
Congrats, Josey! Such an exciting time! Just curious…Now that you have “one of each”….Finding out during u/s and waiting until delivery…What are your thoughts? Do you feel that the u/s was just as exciting as waiting? Do you feel more connected to the baby now that you know? We have our u/s to determine the sex on Tuesday and a party of me is anxious to know and the other part of me wishes I had the patience to wait for the surprise! I think it is great that you were able to experience both methods.
Hm… I think waiting was more exciting, but the caveat to that was that I had an unmedicated, mostly uncomplicated vaginal delivery, so I was totally with it and present and ecstatic when Daddy got to say “it’s a girl!” as she was actually laying on my chest. I don’t know if that would have been different if I was out of it from an epidural or c-section? I have vividly clear memories of it, and it was AMAZING. I totally would have waited to find out again if Charlie would have agreed to it this time around. 🙂
As for Charlie, I think it helps HIM to connect more with the baby to know it’s sex at this point of the game (though I haven’t directly asked him that). It’s definitely fun to know already, but I’d still lean towards waiting to find out if it was up to me!
I think that is a great point about the dad feeling more connected. I definitely find that to be true for us as well. My husband will not be able to be present for the u/s, so we are planning to watch the DVD that night as a family with Grace. I am looking forward to that moment! Thanks for sharing your experience 🙂
I know this was totally not the point of your comment at all, but I was completely out of it when Gracie came out before the epidural kicked in (wasn’t administered until after I had reached 9 centimeters) and have vividly clear memories of Lyla coming out after having had the epidural for an adequate amount of time.
Like mcmissis, I have nothing but vivid memories of both of my kids deliveries, and I had c-sections with both. It was an hour post-delivery that things got fuzzy, but had we waited to find out our boys sexes until delivery, it would have been as exhilarating and exciting as an unmedicated birth. I was nothing but present at my sons births!
McMissis & Courtney – good to know! I’ve heard stories of ppl with epidurals (both for vaginal births & c-sections) who remember very little immediately post-delivery. I’m glad that wasn’t the case for either of you (sounds like the anesthesiologist got the dosage right!). Like McMissis said – sometimes w/o meds you can still be fuzzy too! No matter what tho, I’m stoked we waited to find out Stella’s sex until delivery time – that is one of the most precious memories I have! 🙂
i heard such crap when I got pregnant with #3. “oh you want to try for a boy” etc. I have 2 healthy girls I didn’t care in the slightest what #3 was going to be. I just wanted healthy! Congratulations on having a boy!! It took me forever to stop calling Michael a she or her.
That was beautiful. A few years back Ben expressed concern about carrying on the family name when all his cousins were having girls. There has always been a little pressure (self imposed, not from Ben) about having a boy. But after seeing him with Ava, I now know Ben would be happy with whatever we hope to have in the future. I don’t know if that has anything to do with what you wrote but I felt like sharing!
Ya, pre-kids, Charlie wanted a boy first & then a girl. I was actually shocked when post-IF he said whatever sex is fine, and then post-Stella he actually said another girl would be great! 🙂
[…] my belly is a boy, and I wrote about how crazy I thought it was that most people assumed we wanted One of Each in order to have some sort of “perfect family.” Later on in the month I joined in […]