Last week I laid on my couch, relaxing deep into my first self-hypnosis session of HypnoBabies for this pregnancy, and I was suddenly struck by this feeling of being under pressure.
It’s an odd feeling, because I felt so calm & confident going into my first birth, and I had such a good experience… but now I’m realizing that I feel like I need to be even better and handle things perfectly to somehow prove to my husband and to others (WHY do I care what others think?) that home birth was a good idea, and that I’m not whacko for having faith in a self-hypnosis program to help me throughout my birthing time.
I truly do believe in the power of the mind (hence the HypnoBabies) and the safety of home birth, so I really don’t know why I’m doing this to myself. I’m trying hard to get out of this head space, but it’s where I am, and I figured I should document both the positive side and the worrisome side of this pregnancy.
In the meantime, I’m going to make a point of listening to my HypnoBabies positive affirmations more often. My body is made to do this. Things are progressing as they should. I will birth in comfort and peace.
🙁 that’s hard, but I totally get why you’d feel that way. Lyla’s birth was SO EASY for me (esp compared to Gracie’s); the midwife even announced afterward that I should have a ton of babies bc I’m so good at it. Now I feel like I’m not allowed to be nervous about Poppy’s labor and delivery at all. And mine was a textbook hospital delivery with epidural, so I can’t imagine now much more pressure you’re feeling to “prove” your choices are the right ones.
Exactly! I feel like I’m “not allowed” to have anything less than the perfect experience, even though I’m 100% putting that pressure on myself. It’s silly!
I totally know how you feel- any time I choose to do something outside the norm I feel pressure for it to go perfectly. I think it’s normal and natural how you are feeling but I do hope you can relax and enjoy the experience, however close to to your expectations it turns out to be
Exactly – b/c I’m choosing to be “outside the norm” I feel like I have something to prove for some reason. *sigh*
I definitely felt this same thing leading up to our home birth. Saying it “out loud” to my mama peeps helped get me through it, as did working the HB program. 😉
Because of the things you believe and deeply honour about birth, you will birth in comfort and peace in the way that is perfect for you and your baby. <3
I love how some of those phrases will always stay with you. 🙂 “… in the way that is perfect for you and your baby.” – Exactly this. Thanks hon.
I so wish we didn’t care what others may think. I worry about that way too much. You made the decision you feel is right for you and your family. And you are going to kick butt doing so!!
Thanks, Shannon! I’d sure like to think so. 🙂
Bubble Of peace. 🙂
I would think of it this way… Nobody who is giving you a hard time is going to be there, so it is completely your and Charlie’s private experience. You can report whatever you like. Charlie is going to be so nervous im sure and will want to be there for you if you’re having a tough time. He will be able to find the strength within himself to help you, and be a more active part of the experience. Guys love to be the strong one. 🙂 I bet he’ll be shouting home birth from the rooftops once it’s over and he’s super proud of you and himself.
Also, Stella was complicated with her positioning. That isn’t typical and this is yor second! It’s going to go so well!!
Ha! Well, I’ll definitely be honest about how the whole experience unfolds, but that’s pretty funny that you’re right – we could pick & choose which details to share if we wanted to. 🙂 I think Charlie’s recent hesitancy about it all is part of the problem, so I’m really hoping for both our sakes that he gets more comfortable with it and shouts its benefits from the rooftops soon!
At my appt yesterday little man was head down and LOP – fingers crossed he stays like that! 🙂
Thanks so much for talking about both the ups and downs of home birth. It’s a controversial (but great) choice and so I think that sometimes my friends who choose home birth don’t feel comfortable being vulnerable about the downsides of it. They don’t want people to jump on those doubts/fears/concerns and tell them that they’re making a poor decision. So again, thanks for being so open about all of this. I think it makes women who choose home birth seem less like heroes and more like…women. Which is good for all of us…especially those choosing home birth. Perhaps if the existing stigmas are lessened somewhat by women being open about it, that pressure you’re feeling now won’t be felt as strongly by women who come after you.
“They don’t want people to jump on those doubts/fears/concerns and tell them that they’re making a poor decision. ” — EXACTLY THIS. Thanks for putting into words what I was trying to say!
I’m doing hypnobabies, too! On a side note, is it just me, or does the lady on the tracks pronounce “comfortable” like “kermftable” or “crumftable”? It drives meup the wall! You are making the right choice for your baby, and all will be well!
I LOVED the HB program for my first birth, and everyone I know that has used it has also loved it. I hope you have a great experience with it as well!
I have never noticed the comfortable pronunciation, but I’m sure I will now! LOL
You know, I felt the same way the 2nd time around. I felt like I was putting unnecessary pressure on myself and stressing out about how the labor would go, would it be as great of an experience the 2nd time around, etc. I never did shake that feeling and I wish desperately I had. I still had a natural childbirth, but I think my fear of the unknown held my body back and I put myself through more emotional/physical pain than necessary! I should have listened more to my hypnobirth affirmations through labor and truly relaxed! You are right, your body is made to give birth peacefully! You can do this!
This is the push I needed to make sure I face this head on and acknowledge that this pressure is unnecessary and unhelpful. I really want to approach this birthing time with as much peace & confidence as I did last time!
I think others ladies said a lot of good things. I think in general with a home birth there is a lot of pressure on you, I had one with my daughter and plan to do another one in Feb/March with my next baby and it is something that people always question and if you do express fear, doubts, etc. people will take that opportunity to either tell you everything that could go wrong, horror stories they have heard, and will try to convince you to have a hospital birth. Then I think in general if you have a good birth experience the first time around you do worry about how the next one will be, will it go as easily, as you planned, etc. I’m sure your hubby is just starting to get nervous about it, I’m sure he has the basic fears that any hubby has, pondering what happens if something goes wrong being away from a hospital and all that is associated with that. I know with my hubby he doesn’t say much, but I’m sure all that is going through his head. But when the day comes I’m sure your hubby will be super supportive and back you 100%. I don’t do Hypnobabies, but my first labor was quick and not super painful and I’m hoping the next one will be the same, but I’ve already put all the bad thoughts out of my head about it and will just go with the flow. And I’m sure when the day comes you’ll be the same way 🙂
[…] been struggling with a few feelings lately that are kind of driving me nuts. Namely, feeling under pressure (from myself) about wanting everything to go perfectly this time – NOT because I’m in […]
I can totally see this and it’s something you’ll have to consciously battle against.You know you made the best decision for you, don’t let the doubts of others enter your mind. You’ve planned for if something goes wrong, but that’s not what to focus on. I hope Charlie gets back on board 100% – you can do this with your support team!
I felt both pressured and not – the pressure I felt was mostly what I was putting on myself, but I also felt that being a VBAC, I didn’t have much to lose. If I ended up with a c-section, for some reason, at least I tried. If I got pregnant again, I could see myself putting a lot of pressure on myself to somehow have an even better birth since the last one went well.
Anyway, you got this. Just focus on the hypnobabies affirmations and remember you’re in good hands with your midwife. I agree with the others that I applaud you for being an open book about your feelings.
I’ve always been happy to read about how confident you are about homebirth – and birth in general – but I’m glad you shared these feelings, too. I liked Em’s comment and have similar thoughts; it’s almost like if you choose a way to birth that is likely to be controversial, as homebirth can be, you’re not allowed to open up about feelings that are not 100% positive. I think it’s good, though – and brave – that you’re exploring them. I have confidence in you and can’t wait to hear your wonderful story … SOON!!