4 in 5, and Grandma is Gone

Today marks 5 months since little Harvey was born into my arms in the temporary pool we had set up in our guest bedroom. That was such a fantastic, wonderful day, and yet I mourn how much of the first 5 months of his life I’ve spent crying. It doesn’t feel fair to my family, to my coworkers, to me, and especially to my kids.

*****

My paternal grandma died when I was just 3 (it’s actually one of my earliest memories) and my grandfather died in 1974 before I was born. It’s heartbreaking to me to realize that my Dad had no parents left alive by the time he was 34 years old. I’m 32 and simply cannot imagine that.

My Mom’s parents have thankfully be around for my entire life. Grandma Joan & Grandpa Gene were a huge part of my childhood – summer weeks at their lake house, school afternoons at Grandma’s house in town, weekends on the farm with Grandpa (they were married, but when they retired, Grandma hated living in the country and Grandpa couldn’t stand the city, so they each had their own place and visited each other. LOL). They lived just down the road from us, and consequently we spent many many afternoons eating Grandma’s fresh baked chocolate chip cookies that were cooling on the brown paper bags on the counter.

Grandma & Grandpa were big travelers when I was a kid, always going to different states to golf and hang out with their friends. If I remember correctly, Grandpa slowly preferred to stay home on the farm, but Grandma still wanted to go, so she’d just make it friend trips & go without him! I always remember admiring her spoon collection (she’d get a spoon from every state she visited). I think she made it to all 50 states, or at least the lower 48, which is pretty dang cool!

At any rate, last night my Grandma Joan died while my Mom held her hand, and I am just so dang sad. I am sad for my Grandpa, I am sad for my Mom, I am sad for my entire family. She has been living with advanced Alzheimer’s for years now, but she was still my grandma, and she would still give us a smile whenever I walked in with Stella on my hip to give her a hug.

I know that death is part of the circle of life, but I just feel like we’ve had more than enough death surrounding us these past 5 months, and I am so dang tired of being sad. Four family members in the last five months = gone. Two deaths were tragic, two were (somewhat) expected…and all four were desperately sad.

I miss you Grandma Joan. Give everyone else up there a huge hug from me, okay?

Love, Josey

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20 comments

  1. I’m sorry for your loss, Josey. Four deaths in your family in five months must be very hard to bear indeed.

    No matter how long we have with our loved ones, it seems it is never long enough.

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    1. Exactly. It’s not like my grandma’s death is a tragedy. She thankfully lived a long, full life full of loving family & close friends. It’s still sad to know she’s gone though. 😦

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      1. sangela71 · · Reply

        I hear you. I lost my beloved grandmother when she was 85 years old and in failing health. She was ready to go (and in fact, in some ways, welcomed death). . . but what I wouldn’t give for just one more day with her! She has been gone over 25 years, and I still think of her nearly every day.

        It’s a loss for those of us left behind, even when our loved one has lived a long and full life. At most, this information is some small comfort. . . but it doesn’t fill the hole that person leaves behind.

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  2. I’m so sorry Josey. 😦 And I understand you being tired of continually having to say goodbye. It’s hard enough with one. Thinking of you.

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  3. So sorry for your loss. You look so much like Stella in that pic of you as a baby with your grandma, so cute.

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  4. You hear bad things come in threes but going beyond that just simply isn’t fair. Your family has certainly had enough loss to last you a lifetime. I’m sorry about your grandma but glad you have lots of memories of her.

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  5. mcmissis · · Reply

    We lost four family members on one side of the family in a year and a half a few years ago with one being advanced Alzheimer’s as well. All of ours were somewhat expected though and obviously in a longer time period than you’ve had this year. It’s absolutely awful that it has been just relentless for you guys. I would feel bad for my kids if I were you, too; so I’m not trying to say you’re wrong to feel that way. But they really won’t remember this time in their lives; so feel free to grieve however and how often you need to. Your tears don’t diminish the love they feel from you every day.

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  6. Mihaela · · Reply

    I am so sorry for your loss. I am still close to my grandma (we talk daily) even though she lives on another continent. No matter whether expected or not, still hard to lose someone.

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  7. She sounds like an awesome lady who did what made her happy.

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  8. Thinking of you and your family….HUGS to all of you

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  9. Oh, dear. Grandmas are precious. I am so sorry for your loss.

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  10. This year has been an absolute stinker for you. Just when you were feeling human again 😔 hugs Josey xxxx

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  11. Desiree · · Reply

    Oh Josey I’m so sorry. Just like the first commenter said, no matter how long you have them, it’s never long enough.

    I’m so sorry you’re going through so much loss right now. It’s just not fair.

    I’m thinking of you…

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  12. Oh, heart. One loss is more than enough to bear, but four? Take good care of yourself. Big hugs.

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  13. BIG virtual hug from me. I wish that things were different. xox.

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  14. lparsons15 · · Reply

    man this is just too much for you all..I am so sorry for yet another loss. All my grandparents are gone and have been for a while, its strange.

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  15. […] my grandmother died in June and I flew back with just Harvey for her funeral and was gone for 4 days, it was the first time I […]

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  16. […] My maternal grandmother died after slowly losing her spark for life thanks to Alzheimer’s. 2014.06.11 […]

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  17. […] Three months after that my maternal grandmother died. […]

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  18. […] Three months after that my maternal grandmother died. […]

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