On Grief: 18 Months Later

Yesterday I opened up my Facebook page and saw that my father-in-law has posted this simple status update, and I burst into tears at work. (Let Her Go was Jaime’s favorite song when she died, and we played it at her memorial service)

2015-09-16 10.47.32

Charlie and I have talked about how odd grief is. How is it possible to vacillate between having a nice, calm day and not really thinking about Jaime to absolutely sobbing at the shittiness of her being dead at 27 years old? How in the world is she gone?

It’s just so fucking unfair.

Last night our former Pastor & his wife were in town, and they made a special effort to come to our house for dinner. We haven’t seen them but once since they moved away when he retired last fall, and it was so wonderful to see them again. After my Mom, they were the first people I called on that awful day, and when his wife answered the phone and heard me sobbing, she instantly knew it was me and said, “He’s already on his way.”

That’s part of why I have a love/hate relationship with small towns. My Pastor had already somehow heard. And he was already on his way. I found out later that his wife had lost her daughter in her 20s as well, so she understood all too well what we were going through. They were rocks for us through those initial grief stricken days, and they continue to be our rocks today.

Faith. Grief. Love. Sadness. Joy. They’re all intertwined. I’m so thankful to have the family and friends and faith that I do. It makes the happy days even better and the sad days a little more bearable.

Every day I miss you, Jaime. Every day we talk about you. We’ll never forget you. Love, SIL.

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10 comments

  1. Sending so much love to you and your family today. Grief really is an odd beast. It can just smack you down with no warning. Your former pastor and his wife sound amazing. I’m so glad you had them by your side. Xoxo.

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    1. Thanks. They really are fantastic. When Pastors leave they’re not really supposed to keep in touch with the congregation to help people bond to the new Pastor/Minister, but Harry emails from time to time with updates on their lives and asks about us and the kids. We miss them so much!

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  2. Sometimes, it still doesn’t feel real for me that she’s actually gone. She wasn’t a part of my daily life (except her amazingly hilarious FB quotes). She was amazing. I miss her too. Love you guys.

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  3. This post made me tear up too. I am still so sorry that your family went through / is going through this.

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  4. It can definitely blind side you, and then it feels as if no time at all has passed. The only way is through – sending hugs on this rough day.

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  5. This is one of those kinds of sorrow that are with you until the last breath. …

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  6. ❤️ Thinking of you. Grief/loss is not something we get over. We learn to live with it. It gets easier overtime living with the loss, but the mourning never leaves us. Sending you hugs when you need them my friend. Crying with you…as loss is an emotion we unfortunately do share. Keep Jaime alive in your hearts by continuing to share her story, your memories and looking at those pictures with her infectious smile. Harvey & Stella will always know that Ainty Jaime loved them as they feel it through you!
    All my best to you!
    Side Note – I still can’t thank you enough for sharing her story…it really made me feel less alone with the struggle with my brother…(the weekend of your post (2yrs ago) was a pivotal moment where he fractured our family…and I know I wouldn’t still speak to him had I not read your post…it’s a hard struggle – 20+ years of an addiction)

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    1. Please disregard my spelling errors my autocorrect likes to auto fail

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  7. I’m gonna get analytical on you otherwise I will dissolve into a puddle of tears at work.

    When tragedy like someone dying way to young occurs, it doesn’t make sense to us. That kind of grief is more complicated than say, the grief of a grandparent who was sick passing away. That 18 months later you still struggle with the reality is not surprising.

    Well, that didn’t work…still crying.

    ((Hugs))

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  8. Hugs josey xxx

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Virtual Hugs (FYI - your comment may be held in moderation for me to approve if you have never commented here before - I try to approve as quickly as possible!)

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