The last 48 hours have been an emotional roller coaster for me. I’m coming off a week of being horrid sick and I’m probably PMSing (CD32 over here, but I have no idea what that really means since my cycle could be 30 days or 50 days, I never freakin’ know)… so the combination of those things obviously doesn’t help. However, I just hit a wall. Hard. Like breaking out into uncontrollable sobs multiple times a day hard.
What the fuck?
Tuesday night I lost it on my husband for various reasons – some deserved and some not. The outcome of it all though was that it’s very apparent that I’m feeling seriously bereft in the friendship department right now & jealous of my husband and his group of friends who hang out all the time together after work and on weekends. Don’t get me wrong – I am lucky to have a few fantastic girlfriends here in town, but they’re all pregnant or parenting babies, and I seriously miss having someone to call who can meet me at the drop of a hat for a drink after work to vent about the day with, you know? Now we all work full time and run home to do the requisite “good wife” tasks of cooking dinner and playing with the kids and doing the bedtime routine and trying to somehow spend quality time with our spouses…and…and…and…
At the same time, I recognize that my friends probably feel the same way about me, but I think the difference is that I totally WOULD drop everything, leave the kids with my husband, and meet up with them if they called. I know most people wouldn’t though (and simply don’t crave it like I do), so I’m just feeling really horribly lonely lately. I am 100% an outgoing extrovert, and right now that just isn’t getting fulfilled by work colleagues and immediate family. And I feel like a piece of shit for that.
Thankfully, yesterday morning my best friend texted me this:
There’s a little voice inside of my head saying I need to slow down and relax. Are you free to go out for a drink after work tonight?
I literally laughed out loud and texted her back and asked her if Charlie had put her up to it because we haven’t gone out for a drink together just the two of us since before she got pregnant (and she has a 5 month old now!). He honestly hadn’t – she has just been struggling with a lot of the same things as me and yesterday was her breaking point where she finally reached out to me – so we got together last night for 3 hours after work and talked and cried and drank and talked and cried and drank some more and DAMN that felt good.
Moral of the story? I have some kick ass friends. I just need to remember to actually reach out to them more instead of assuming they’re too busy. We ARE all busy, but that doesn’t mean we won’t be there for each other when it comes down to it. <3