Love & Marriage

A few months ago, my marriage was in a really bad spot. Honestly? It was at rock bottom. I wrote about it a little bit here and here and here. We got some great relationship books to read (which we honestly haven’t gotten all the way through yet, but so far we like them so thank you for the recommendations), we worked on consciously being kinder to each other and doing nice things for each other, we muddled through the cold and snow and rainy months until the sun (quite literally) came out again, and right now, I’d say that things are pretty good. We are still bickering and picking at each other more than we should, but we are working on it, and we are trying really hard to treat each other with love and respect. It’s so easy to let things fall into those awful, deep ruts after 11 years when you’re busy parenting two little kids, but hopefully it’s worth it to keep climbing back out and onto the life adventure trail together again, right?

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About a month after things were hitting rock bottom for us was when I went to Hawaii with my girlfriends. That recharge time was crucial for me and my happiness, but it wasn’t the only thing that happened which helped me to reassess my frustrations in my marriage. You see, the same week I was on vacation in Hawaii, one of the providers (and friends) at my work also took the week off to go camping with her husband in Utah. Long story short, midway through the week I got a call at 4am from one of my other co-workers who was sobbing and wanting to let me know that our provider’s husband had fallen off a cliff to his immediate death while on a quick hike before dinner, less than 100 yards from their campsite. Search & rescue didn’t find his body until the next morning, and my friend’s life has been changed forever. She has spent the last month tying up the odds and ends and details that encompass the end of a person’s life, just like we did when Charlie’s sister died two years ago. It breaks my heart to watch her go through this and to have lost this man whom she loved with her whole heart. Losing people we love is never “fair” or “right” or “easy,” is it?

Perspective folks. It will get you every time.

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9 comments

  1. mcmissis · · Reply

    Wow, what a terrible, terrible story. I’m so glad things are looking up for you and C.

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  2. Oh how awful, yet it sure puts things in perspective. You never know how long the ones you love will be around. Don’t take them for granted.
    Blessings to you. .

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  3. I’m glad to hear things are way better!

    Perspective is everything, isn’t it? As my SIL was splitting from her husband and fighting over every last thing, our friend was learning to live and parent without his dead wife. We would just shake our heads at her, wondering if she had any clue what it would be like to be REALLY on her own. We vowed then that we would always keep this perspective. Some people choose to leave their marriages, and some have that choice forced upon them via death. We decided that we will fight through hell to save ours if things ever get awful (and remember – they were pretty bad 3 years ago when I went to couples counseling alone.. ha!). I don’t want anyone I know, or Brian or me, having to figure out how to live solo again unless it’s really, really the right thing. It’s just so painful.

    Good on you guys! I’m so happy for you!

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  4. Such a sad story, thank you for sharing.

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  5. It’s all about perspective. I am always looking at others’ tragedies or misfortunes and becoming more grateful…

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  6. nonsequiturchica · · Reply

    Glad everything is getting better and sometimes, all you need is perspective.

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  7. Oh how awful for your co-worker! It’s true, perspective really gets you, and it seems to hit at the times you need it the most. I’m so glad to hear things at home have turned a corner, and you two are enjoying each other more. I also think spring/summer helps most people with their overall attitude and being happier; I know I am happier when it’s warm and pool time, rather than cold and snowing – with you being in CO, that may not be the case for you though. 🙂

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  8. Oh Josey, that story is harrowing. I’ve thought about it all weekend (and told my husband that if he doesn’t sign up for life insurance this summer I will do something he will not like), I can’t get it out of my head. Perspective really is everything. Thank you for the reminder.

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  9. Jo ~ No. 8 Wire Mongol Rally Team · · Reply

    Woah, what a huge, tragic story. I’m so sorry for your colleague, but also glad that things have improved for you and Charlie. I remember what that rock bottom place feels like, and it’s an awful thing to go through.

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