Day 15, #NaBloPoMo – Therapy

Today I reached out to therapists in the area to try to figure out who I wanted to book an appointment with. Nothing is scheduled yet, but I’m forcing myself to book something tomorrow. I’m honestly struggling with who to choose. I could pay $80/session to see a woman whose office is 1 block away – it’s more convenient, cheaper, and I like her background and how she (appears) to handle sessions, and yet we have 25 mutual FB friends in a town of 1,000 people (she appears to be maybe 5-10 years older than me) and that makes me nervous. I’m afraid I won’t open up to her because of this. The alternative is a man in the town 30 minutes away, I also love his therapeutic resume and the fact we aren’t part of the same community, but it’s $120/session and not nearly as convenient to try to work into my schedule between a full time job and parenting. Thoughts?

Also, I’ve done a couple of elliptical workouts lately, but that’s it. My motivation is gone, for everything. The apathy is overwhelming.

Tonight Stella walked into the guest room and asked me if she could work out by herself since I hadn’t worked out with her lately. 😕 That hurts.

Ugh, I’m back at it tomorrow. That’s the plan. Hold me to it.


  1. Choosing a therapist is challenging. I know cost can be a factor. I was about 2 seconds away from cold turkey quitting mine, but decided my sanity was more important. I have missed having my weekly sessions, though with my lifestyle changes in moving here, I would have a similar struggle as you. You should be proud you have taken a first step. I would always go for the therapist you feel you will have the best opportunity to reach your goals. My kind advice is if you have multiple acquaintances (small town problems) I would go the other direction. See if there’s a way the other dude will work with you on cost. My children’s father’s old counselor popped up on a friend’s FB page and I freaked out…..just the chance of our paths crossing made me cringe. Good luck and I will be thinking of you….HUGS!

  2. I personally would feel more comfortable opening up to a woman, but I understand your concerns about the mutual friends. The cost is also a huge factor- ‘maybe give her a shot and see how you feel?

  3. I do best with male therapists. I find them to be more direct… with me, anyway. I definitely would be uneasy about the connection to others in your town, but I think that’s just me being stupid. 😉

    I have had to FORCE myself to run. I mean, power through just getting the shoes on to go out. You can do it… it will take your mind off of things for 30 minutes. I’m starting up BOD again because I need instruction to make me NOT think about what’s going on in my daily life. When I run, I just think and think and think and it can be exhausting and not a real release.

    I don’t want to hold you to it, because sometimes we just need a break. Maybe this is your time.

  4. I’m sure the woman can handle you both knowing similar people–it must happen all the time. I wouldn’t worry about it personally, but maybe I’m being naive.

    As for the apathy, I feel you. I only work out three times a week so I know I HAVE to get those in. It helps that my shower schedule depends on when I work out too (I know, kind of gross how little I wash my hair). But honestly, I’m just making myself get on the machine three times a week because I don’t let myself think it’s an option not to. It’s taken years of that commitment to myself, but at this point I only skip a workout if I’m throwing up. I swear, it keeps me sane. Truly.

    Having said that, I definitely feel like I sunk a little lower today, in a definitive way. I’m fighting so hard against the impending depression but in the end, I can’t argue my way out of the hopeless. I’m trying to focus on self-care, and trying to stop the panicky thoughts when they run away with me. It’s taking all my effort to just stay in that place.

    It’s going to be a long 4 years.

  5. What are the credentials of the therapist that’s close by? Have you heard anything about her not abiding by confidentiality rules? I’d probably be inclined to try her first, due to cost and convenience. I’m also in a therapy dilemma- do I go back to the person I saw 10 years ago or find someone new and maybe get fresh perspective…. Maybe have a session with each of them and see how it feels?

    1. Licensed Professional Counselor, MA, LPC, RYT

      It’s not that I don’t think she could follow HIPPA rules, I just don’t know how I’d feel about seeing her in a social situation when she’d know all my dirty laundry!

  6. Go to the closer lady. If she said anything to anyone, she’d lose her job (if not forced, than by her clients no longer trusting her.)

    It’ll be too easy to cancel on the far away appointments. The close ones can be fit into your schedule so much more easily than adding an hour’/ drive time to each appointment.

    Plus, you may find you need more frequency than you expected in the beginning, with it spreading out in the long run. All that driving all at once in the beginning might be too much of a deterrent to make it habit.

    Stella looks adorable 🙂

    1. Ooh! What if there’s someone you can see online, like Skype or FaceTime? You could use someone in one of your sisters’ towns; so, they could confirm they are legit/have a real brick-and-mortar operation.

      The two therapists in your neighboring towns should each spend a day in the other town seeing clients who aren’t comfortable seeing someone in their own social circle.

    2. Oh, I totally understand HIPPA regulations. I just don’t know if I’d feel comfortable seeing her in social situations and knowing she knows all my dirty laundry, so to speak!

  7. I’d say to try a session with each of them. A trial run is a great idea. Hugs to you and good on you for getting the help you need right now!! xo

    1. I like this idea

  8. kaseypowers · · Reply

    I’m at a point where my schedule is becoming increasingly booked and getting to my therapists office (where the new location and time is less convenient than the old one) is becoming increasingly stressful – which isn’t helping with my anxiety. So I would say try with the woman who is closer and if after a month you aren’t feeling like you are able to share what you need to, then try the other guy. Hugs. But glad you are reaching out.

    1. Thanks. I think that’s what I’ll try. We shall see how much I feel like I can share with the local. Ha!

  9. Ana Covacho · · Reply

    I’ve done therapy for a long time. It doesn’t matter man or woman, except when you want to share stuff about women’s health, in this case a woman would understand better.
    I like to have a therapist who doesn’t know me and doesn’t know anybody around me, this way I feel that she will be totally neutral, impartial, she won’t have any preconceived idea about anybody I could talk about or any situation somebody else, who might be in our circle, could previously talk to her about.

    1. Ugh, I hadn’t thought about other people in our circle also having talked to her. Small town problems…

  10. I’m proud of you for taking this step. You have A LOT going on right now and this can only be good.

    Personally, I’d go out of town, but that’s just my own suspicious nature. Whichever you choose I’m sure will be fine!

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