I had a post all planned for yesterday that was a total rant about having to always be the cruise director of the family to make sure the kids are taken care of – even though I work full time, just like my husband. Then at the work conference I was at, one of the speakers talked about the subconscious mind and how powerful it is, and she shared this quote:
Ding ding ding ding!
Like many of you I’m sure, we are in a tough spot in our marriage. We’re not in the new relationship rainbows and unicorns phase, and we aren’t in the financially secure, kids are out of the house and we can focus on each other phase. We are deep in the daily scramble of working to pay the bills and trying to raise up respectful, loving children who are 3 and 5 and really difficult some days phase.
With that being said, I am often frustrated with my husband these days, and sometimes I just need to vent about it. Yesterday the speaker was saying it’s fine and good and healthy to vent about things in life that are overwhelming you – but she also cautioned that venting becomes dangerous when it’s the only story you tell.
Yeah…we haven’t been to marriage counseling since last winter, but that sounds suspiciously like what she used to tell us about “creating your own narrative” and how it becomes difficult to actually see/hear your spouse’s true intentions when you already have a narrative running in your head of what you THINK s/he means.
So this is my attempt to focus on the positives. To share more positive stories about my husband instead of the rants. To start to work on rewriting the narrative in my head about the daily experiences in our lives. Experiences repeated often enough become habits, and habits become beliefs (whether or not they are true & correct), and I want to have happy thoughts and beliefs about my marriage, my kids, and my life.
That’s not too much to ask, right? 🙂
Thank you posting this. I needed to hear it before going into a tough conversation with my husband this weekend.
I just read your post and 100% empathize!!!
LOVE THIS. As a mother/mother-in-law; far be it from me to tell you how to live your marriage. But from the advantage of having lived through the years you are now living through it is abundantly clear to me just how many positives there are in your and C’s life, despite the harder issues you are also dealing with. It is NOT too much to ask, to live gratefully. We so absolutely write the story of our life in our own brain. How I would love to put my 62 year old brain into my 35 year old self and make living those years so much easier! That quote up above is my new favorite saying. You have made a commitment to each other and to your beautiful children that you honor each time you choose to speak kindly when you’d rather not. 🙂 I’m very, very proud of you, Josey, for recognizing how you can change the narrative. It’s a lot easier to see the speck in someone else’s eye than the log in our own! Peace out. xxMom
At nine years into my marriage, with 5-year-old twin boys, I can definitely relate! It is overwhelming some days, and even though my husband does A LOT with our sons and around the house, I also still sometimes feel bitter about being “the cruise director of the family, ” as you eloquently put it.
On those days, I try to remind myself of all of the things that my husband DOES do and that I chose to spend my life with him, even before we had children, for good and solid reasons that are still true today. It’s hard sometimes, esp. when I am feeling particularly stressed out and/or overburdened, but I agree with you that it’s necessary to focus on the positive.
My friend and I chuckled about Brian dropping the kids off at school, Matthew had late start:
Lindi: Does he have late start again this week?
Brian: I guess so. I drop him off at 9:45.
Lindi: Does he have late start every Wednesday?
Brian: I don’t really know. I only know he must today.
Even the most engaged husbands don’t understand what it takes to run the household!!!!
I love that quote, and I truly believe it!!!
I love this. It relates to so many aspects of life—parenting, marriage, work, extended family, etc… it is amazing how our thoughts control or beliefs that control our feelings. I am still in the process of learning this and probably will be forever, but I really really appreciate this post & the reminder.
This. This is what I needed today. Thank you for posting and your reflections. I needed all the above today.
I feel ya’ on the cruise director role. I’m that too and it sucks! He always plays dumb even though I’ve taken to making every activity an invited meeting on his calendar (idea from another friend of mine).
Ha, I’ve started doing that as well!
I needed this post when you wrote it and had to have a difficult conversation without your wisdom last weekend. It went OK, I guess. Hoping we ladies can all cut back on cruise directing soon 🙂