Hey everyone… I’m back! Somehow, it’s been nearly 8 months since I’ve been in this space again. I’ve been thinking about things, and really, it comes down to the fact that I avoid it when I feel down about my life choices and embarrassed that I haven’t gotten a handle on my health yet. At this point, I feel like a broken record writing out my goals here, but I have to get it all written out to help myself make a plan and stay (get?) accountable, so here I am…again. 
8 months ago, I had gone from about 187# to 177# after two months of hard work in March and April, and as I sit on a couch in Mexico writing out this post in the wee hours of the morning on 12/31/2018, I’m positive I’m up in the 190s (I’ll weigh in Wednesday morning after I get home to do an official first weigh-in). I’m depressed, overwhelmed, and keep thinking that I don’t know how I got here. In the past three years I’ve put on over 30 pounds, and as I creep from the 10# to 20# to 30# mark and beyond, it feels harder and harder to stop the slow roll I’m on. HFS.
At this point, I’ve been on a beach vacation with my husband’s family for the past 11 days, and as fun as it’s been, I’ve spent entirely too much time thinking about how fat I am, how uncomfortable I am, how walking too much causes heat rash on my inner thighs, how nothing fits me well, how shopping is depressing, and finally, where’s my next drink? It’s a vicious cycle of wanting to forget about how crappy I feel and then adding more calories to my waistline which just exacerbates the problem. *sigh* Yeah.
- Yeah, how crappy is it that I look at this beautiful photo of my family and absolutely hate myself in it so I won’t post it anywhere? 🙁
Last May when my weight loss efforts were once again derailing from drinking calories + poor food choices after having drinks, I ordered “A Happier Hour” through my Audible account. So much of the book resonated with me, and I started following the author on Facebook and have enjoyed seeing her posts & tips pop up almost daily in my news feed. She talks a lot about how lifestyle change is complicated and challenging, especially in a drinking culture, and gives encouragement and tips for navigating that change. I also ordered “I’m Just Happy to Be Here: A Memoir of Renegade Mothering” by Janelle Hanchett. I have followed her blog for years and kept thinking it’d be fun to listen to her story. I just finally started it on Audiobook last month, and again, it’s ringing uncomfortably true for me. Definitely NOT to the extent of her story, but still… there is a lot I can identify with in her flawed logic surrounding how to relax, cope with stress, etc.
So here I am… wanting to make a change, knowing that it has to be a lifestyle change to actually stick, and being terrified of what a change like that would mean for my friendships and relationship and daily activities. That deserves it’s own long post some day, but for now, I’m just stopping in this space to write out my basic goals for next month. We fly home tomorrow on January 1st, so I figure that’s as good a day as any to mix things up, eh? A blog friend of mine posted her January – December comparison pics on Facebook earlier this week, and it ABSOLUTELY was the kick in the pants I needed to realize that this is totally doable for me. She lost 40# this year by eating mindfully and working out regularly and focusing on herself again. I KNOW that this is possible, and I NEED to do it myself.
Without further ado, here are my sweet and simple goals for January 2019:
- Mindful eating. Track calories with MFP every single day, even if I binge and don’t want to think about it.
- Work out 5 days/week (total of 150 minutes/week minimum), any combination of workouts I want.
It’s always best to start with the basics, right?
- Watching our final sunrise in Mazatlán while I write this post…
I’m sorry you’re feeling down but I’m happy to see this post from you. You can do anything that you set your mind to! It will not be easy but you CAN be successful. I completely agree that in our culture food & alcohol are everything. We (husband & I) have been following the KETO diet since June and the amount of flack that we get from friends & family is disgusting. People just can’t seem to be ok with the fact that what may be right for them isn’t for me (and that it’s ok to have different opinions on food choices). All you can do it YOU and don’t feel like to need to explain or justify your choices. You DESERVE to do what makes you happy & feel good. You’ve got this!
Ugh, I’m sorry people give you flack about KETO. I have a lot of friends who swear by that program!
I’m scared to update that spreadsheet. I don’t want to think about it…
Hey Jos!
First of all, I’d like to say how glad I always am to see your blog pop up in my inbox – no matter how long it’s been or what your post is about. I just like reading your posts.
And second, I totally hear you. Since I stopped travelling 4 years ago I gained 25-30 kg and I hate seeing photos of me. I just started doing a program called ’28 by Sam Wood’ in October though, and even with 2 weeks in the Philippines and the Christmas break I’m still down 8.5kg in that time. It’s 28 mins of HIIT based workouts at a level you choose, and three meals (plus two snacks if you need them) from a meal plan. There’s no calory counting, just eating healthy portions of real food, and the recipes are delicious (and you can swap them out if you don’t like some of the ingredients). I’m not affiliate selling for them or anything but it has been a relatively easy way for me to make some changes so I thought I would share in case it was something that could work for you too.
I’ll check it out! I’m pretty good about working out once I get in a routine. It’s eating and drinking mindfully and in moderation that I have historically failed at. That’s my #1 goal this time!
I don’t know you IRL, but I’ve followed forever and used to have my own IF blog (which is where I discovered you in the first place). I feel like you’re writing out my feelings for real. I weighed myself this am and I’m at 192.6 and I’m disgusted. My kids are 7 and 5 and the example I’m setting for them is gross. I am doing this right beside you, same weight, same issues (drinking with friends all the time, eating way too much, etc.etc.). I’ve thought of starting another blog to write it all down, somehow that’ll make me more accountable maybe? Anyways, when I start it, i’ll link it here and if you want a partner, follow along. I’ll likely need the support too!
You can do this!
Lisa
I’d love to have someone in a similar situation to do this with! Definitely link it here. 🙂
Here it is! It’s officially on!
https://afocussed2019.wordpress.com/
Hey Jo,
I’ve always admired your ability to reset and refocus. As well as figure out how to travel with your family like you do. I really enjoy seeing you and your life unfold. You have a big heart for others and I hope that it can reflect back onto you. (I’m one to talk haha) I get the drinking thing. Hubby and I realized last year that we are much better off in our relationship and in life without the drinks. HARD as HELL for a bit socially. (this year obviously I have the pregnancy to keep me on track) Seems like we don’t hang with as many friends as we used to. Actually I know we don’t!! It’s a shift any which way we look at it. Super tough especially in small mountain towns. There’s a whole psychology around mountain towns themselves and drinking.
As far as fitness, I ditched the gym/barre/keeping up with the other ladies classes. Bought a Peloton, some weights, videos (which you rock at) and find it works for me.
I know you can do whatever you put your mind to. I also wanted to remind you of a few things I think you rock at:
1- Reset/Refocus
2 – Following thru with your goals
3 – Laughing/Smiling
4 – Making others laugh
5 – Cute style (I’m working on this, I’m still stuck in “comfortable” zone of fashion
6 – Being honest with yourself
7 – Giving your kids a true life!! (skiing, camping, etc.)
8 – Photos – you are a natural
9 – Traveling – making this happen
10 – Stepping out of your comfort zone
Sorry if this is too long and too much. You’ve got this though!
I love you. More to write later, but you are an incredible friend. xoxo
Your post is timely given I’ve been having similar thoughts. I just celebrated my 40th birthday 18 lbs heavier than I want (162 after getting down to 150), am once again unemployed and facing a MASSIVE career transition (and facing so much rejection) and staring down the barrel of an ADHD diagnosis. It could have been an extremely hard day, but as I stared out at the Pacific, all I could think of is that no beginning of journeys started on high notes. Change comes when we hit bottom and declare enough. It also comes in ways and forms we rarely imagine.
I read strength and energy for change in this post. And my hope is that 2019 ushers in that desired change for both of us.
Until then, “Prospero ano” Jos. Y tienes buenas vaccaciones en Mexico con tu bonita familia.
Awh, I love this comment Cristy! “Change comes when we hit bottom and declare enough.” We can do this!
Good morning, darling daughter. I read your post – happy to see a MCVOT notification pop up in my email – and felt so sad and frustrated because the apple did not fall far from the tree…and somehow this feels like deja vu all over again – in terms of three decades and a generation in between. You wrote “….and keep thinking that I don’t know how I got here. In the past three years I’ve put on over 30 pounds, and as I creep from the 10# to 20# to 30# mark and beyond, it feels harder and harder to stop the slow roll I’m on.” Boy do I get that. Boy do I remember that feeling at your age. I also KNOW, without the slightest shred of doubt, that you (and I) are 100% able to make different choices and get back to some happy place in our physical body, however that is defined by each of us. So what hinders us? It really is as simple – and as tortuously hard – as making the choice…..We’ve both done it before, and we can do again. And why not NOW? Why not us? It’s like Yoda said – Do. Do not. There is no try. I know how difficult it can be to get in the right mind set, but I also know it can be done. I am sending prayers and putting it out into the universe that it’s time. Time for you, time for me, time to do what needs to be done. Mucho love. I’m proud of you. Nevertheless, she persisted! xxMom
Thank you, Mama. Love you always. xoxo
You have the most supportive parents. My heart swells whenever I read your mom’s comments. ❤️
I think you look beautiful no matter what, and you have a gorgeous family! (Can’t believe how much your kids have grown!)
I know how it is not to feel comfortable in your own body, though, so I wish you all success in your efforts. 🙂
Thank you 🙂
I’m doing this with you, even though you didn’t ask me. 😂 I’m going to start posting again too… Because I need to drop 20#. Building my plan this weekend. I told Brian as we got in the car to drive home from Florida that things are changing in the food and exercise department…. And then I saw your post 2 hours later.
I always love your analytical mind and approach to this as well. You love a good spreadsheet as much as I do. 🙂 that reminds me to pull out the old sheet you made me years ago and update it!