Hey everyone… I’m back! Somehow, it’s been nearly 8 months since I’ve been in this space again. I’ve been thinking about things, and really, it comes down to the fact that I avoid it when I feel down about my life choices and embarrassed that I haven’t gotten a handle on my health yet. At this point, I feel like a broken record writing out my goals here, but I have to get it all written out to help myself make a plan and stay (get?) accountable, so here I am…again.
8 months ago, I had gone from about 187# to 177# after two months of hard work in March and April, and as I sit on a couch in Mexico writing out this post in the wee hours of the morning on 12/31/2018, I’m positive I’m up in the 190s (I’ll weigh in Wednesday morning after I get home to do an official first weigh-in). I’m depressed, overwhelmed, and keep thinking that I don’t know how I got here. In the past three years I’ve put on over 30 pounds, and as I creep from the 10# to 20# to 30# mark and beyond, it feels harder and harder to stop the slow roll I’m on. HFS.
At this point, I’ve been on a beach vacation with my husband’s family for the past 11 days, and as fun as it’s been, I’ve spent entirely too much time thinking about how fat I am, how uncomfortable I am, how walking too much causes heat rash on my inner thighs, how nothing fits me well, how shopping is depressing, and finally, where’s my next drink? It’s a vicious cycle of wanting to forget about how crappy I feel and then adding more calories to my waistline which just exacerbates the problem. *sigh* Yeah.
Last May when my weight loss efforts were once again derailing from drinking calories + poor food choices after having drinks, I ordered “A Happier Hour” through my Audible account. So much of the book resonated with me, and I started following the author on Facebook and have enjoyed seeing her posts & tips pop up almost daily in my news feed. She talks a lot about how lifestyle change is complicated and challenging, especially in a drinking culture, and gives encouragement and tips for navigating that change. I also ordered “I’m Just Happy to Be Here: A Memoir of Renegade Mothering” by Janelle Hanchett. I have followed her blog for years and kept thinking it’d be fun to listen to her story. I just finally started it on Audiobook last month, and again, it’s ringing uncomfortably true for me. Definitely NOT to the extent of her story, but still… there is a lot I can identify with in her flawed logic surrounding how to relax, cope with stress, etc.
So here I am… wanting to make a change, knowing that it has to be a lifestyle change to actually stick, and being terrified of what a change like that would mean for my friendships and relationship and daily activities. That deserves it’s own long post some day, but for now, I’m just stopping in this space to write out my basic goals for next month. We fly home tomorrow on January 1st, so I figure that’s as good a day as any to mix things up, eh? A blog friend of mine posted her January – December comparison pics on Facebook earlier this week, and it ABSOLUTELY was the kick in the pants I needed to realize that this is totally doable for me. She lost 40# this year by eating mindfully and working out regularly and focusing on herself again. I KNOW that this is possible, and I NEED to do it myself.
Without further ado, here are my sweet and simple goals for January 2019:
- Mindful eating. Track calories with MFP every single day, even if I binge and don’t want to think about it.
- Work out 5 days/week (total of 150 minutes/week minimum), any combination of workouts I want.
It’s always best to start with the basics, right?