Tag Archives: Depression

Day 22, #NaBloPoMo – My First Try at Official Therapy

I just got back to my office after my first ever official therapy session, which seems a bid odd to say considering the title of this blog. Ha! Clearly my “cheap version” isn’t quite hacking it anymore… no offense bloggie friends. 😉 Charlie and I actually met for a quick lunch first, which was really […]

Day 15, #NaBloPoMo – Therapy

Today I reached out to therapists in the area to try to figure out who I wanted to book an appointment with. Nothing is scheduled yet, but I’m forcing myself to book something tomorrow. I’m honestly struggling with who to choose. I could pay $80/session to see a woman whose office is 1 block away […]

Friends In Low Places

The last 48 hours have been an emotional roller coaster for me. I’m coming off a week of being horrid sick and I’m probably PMSing (CD32 over here, but I have no idea what that really means since my cycle could be 30 days or 50 days, I never freakin’ know)… so the combination of […]


I woke up this morning all set to do my WWW post. I didn’t lose, but I didn’t gain. Basically, I got what I deserved since I only tracked my food for half the days. It was an okay week. Then…my Mom called. I hate when my Mom calls, because even though we talk nearly every […]

Compassion Fatigue and PAIL

Trinity @ Three is a Magic Number just wrote an amazing post explaining the concept of compassion fatigue, and it totally struck a chord with me. I struggle with this on a daily basis… how much is too much? How much sadness can I handle? So many of you I have never met and probably never […]

Too Close to Home

Watching Parenthood from last night.  Sobbing.  I cannot imagine.  TTC.  Adoption.  All of it.  God it’s hard. 

My Heart is Breaking

Oh my gosh… one of my closest IF blog friends who is adopting just got the hardest news. The birth mother had the baby on the 24th, and she just notified them this morning that she changed her mind and has decided to parent the baby. My heart is breaking for E (manymanymoons). Please go […]


GGC just posted here, and it broke my heart to read. Please check out her blurb about Michal and her family. I don’t know the whole story, but apparently Michal and her husband had been TTC for 7 years. Last week she gave birth to healthy twins, but she sadly died shortly thereafter from complications […]

Isolated…but not truly alone

I’ve got to admit, I’ve been in a bit of a pity party of one mode lately. Through no choice of my own, I’ve been done working for a month already, and assuming a 40w delivery, I’m still five weeks out from meeting this little one. That equates to two months of doing nothing pre-baby…which […]

So Much Sadness (I am just fine!)

…so honestly, I’ve been doing my best to ignore sad news in the TTC world for the past six weeks. This early in my own pregnancy, I just don’t have the mental strength to handle the extra worry if it can at all be avoided. That being said, today just has me in absolute tears. […]

9 weeks, and multi-colored yawns

This was supposed to go up two days ago, but there was no way in hell that was happening. More on that in a sec… How far along? 9 weeksSize of baby? Cherry tomatoTotal Weight Gain? 3#Maternity clothes? If I ever got out of yoga pants, probably. My belly is super bloated & my boobs are […]

Crying to a Stranger

Who knew that crying to a stranger would be so helpful? I meant to write this on Monday right after the appointment with my Counselor, but I ended up going out to lunch with another friend who is also going through some really rough stuff. We’ve known each other for about five years, but it […]

Day 16 – Photo from childhood and something I could live without. AKA, crawling out of the dark hole.

Day 16: a photo from your childhood I am the oldest of four sisters (little bro was probably an infant when this pic was taken). I cannot even imagine being a Mother to that many children. Thanks for a great childhood Mom. 🙂 Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without. My […]

Crying in my room

AF made her appearance an hour ago, right as all the cute kids started showing up at our door. Now I’m hiding out in my room crying and drinking a beer while my MIL and her friend oooh and awwh over all the trick-or-treaters. I HATE that this is hitting me so hard this cycle.

So Tired…

To save myself a bunch of re-writing, I’m just going to copy/paste a bit of what I was writing Amanda this morning so you know where my head is right now. I’m a mess. A Total. Freaking. Mess.—————–…last night I had an absolute meltdown….fear, sadness, stress….everything combined from [everything]…I dunno, I’m just maxed out. My […]

Abusive Relationships

Before you read any farther, please read this post by Amy over at Chapters. It will make everything I write in this post make more sense. I started following this blog just a couple of weeks ago thanks to blog surfing and finding her “Curl Down Vlog.” It got me hooked because she posts about […]


It’s not that I’ve exactly given up hope, but I realized today that I’ve given up the expectation that I’ll ever see two lines on the damn pee stick. I don’t know if this is hitting me because I’m officially labeled “Infertile” now that it’s been over a year or what… but it’s weird to […]


I’m currently frantically wrapping up things at work to head out for a long weekend in MN visiting family & friends. It’s going to be a great trip, but I’m also steeling myself to be ready to hold lots of cute, chubby, healthy babies and not burst into uncontrollable sobbing. Don’t get me wrong – I’m […]

United on the Pale Blue Dot

Jamie, over at Grumbles & Grunts, posted this incredibly insightful post today, on a day where I really needed to be reminded of my place in this universe. Here is an excerpt from her challenge to all of us on this “kindness & karma week.” this was my challenge to myself, and today my challenge […]

CD39, with no end in sight…

February 2011… that’s the earlist due date (month) I could have at this point. It’s kind of depressing to think about…that’s a long freakin time away! I’m currently on CD39 with no ovulation or period in sight.  Although I’m super excited for my trip to Norway next month to visit my little sis, it also coincided with the next possible […]

Project IF

Project IF is going on over at Stirrup Queens. If you’ve ever struggled with infertility (IF) or know someone who has, take a few minutes to read through everyone’s entries, and maybe even add one of your own. It’s pretty powerful. *typed this through a veil of tears*

Pity Party of 1

You ever have one of those days weekends where you just completely fall off the diet wagon and make bad choices? That was my weekend. For months I have been doing pretty well, and for the last few weeks at least, it’s almost been easy to make good decisions and stay motivated. This weekend I […]

Spoke Too Soon

Doc just called… he saw a “string of pearls” on my ovaries, indicating probable PCOS. Dammit.  ——————-*EDIT* Added 2/26/10 As Junket mentioned, Google PCOS and a lot of info comes up. I’ve been reading about it for weeks, but here are a few things I just read. As a precursor, I have no idea if my […]


I wrote this last night at about midnight after a really depressing night with my ‘friends’…after rereading it this morning, I think it’s important for me to put it out there, b/c it goes hand in hand with my TTC struggles, weight-loss struggles, and basic happiness with life. I feel like sometimes letting others know […]

Tears of … sorrow? … joy? Who the hell knows.

My best friend from this area who I talked about in this post here just called me to tell me that she’s pregnant.  Holy shit, knife to the heart.  It took every ounce of my self control to react with a “wow!!  congratulations!” instead of a stunned, shocked, tear filled silence (which followed immediately after I hung […]