Tag Archives: grief

Day 5, #NaBloPoMo – Forgotten Memories

Last year I went to the movie Inside Out with my kids and sobbed my heart out. You see, there’s a scene where the main character’s imaginary childhood friend falls into the Memory Dump, aka where forgotten memories go to die. There is a chance for he and Joy to get out, but he sacrifices himself so […]

Microblog Mondays: 30

Today would have been Jaime‘s 30th birthday. That’s hard to even imagine. One of the hardest parts of Jaime being gone is knowing that Charlie has lost that incredibly close friendship with his little sister and that our kids won’t get to grow up with her in their lives. We were at a birthday party last […]

Twin Tragedy

(trigger warning) . . . My sister is married to a great guy who has 2 brothers and a sister. One of his brothers and his wife experienced infertility, and after a long journey and multiple IVF cycles, they now have boy/girl twins. The babies were born early (34 weeks I think?) and it was […]

Long & Short Goodbyes

Three years ago in March, a man walked into a medical office with a cough he couldn’t shake. He walked out with a diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer and a referral to oncology. He started aggressive treatments and was told he had 4-6 months to live. He overhauled his habits & lifestyle, utilized every tool he […]

On Grief: 18 Months Later

Yesterday I opened up my Facebook page and saw that my father-in-law has posted this simple status update, and I burst into tears at work. (Let Her Go was Jaime’s favorite song when she died, and we played it at her memorial service) Charlie and I have talked about how odd grief is. How is it […]

A Party & a Book in Remembrance of Jaime

Sorry for the blog silence over here lately. As I mentioned last week, Charlie’s brother and his wife and kids were in town for 10 days, and then my parents also got to town last Thursday and just left this morning. It’s been a whirlwind, busy time with family, but SO so awesome. Needless to […]

Miscellaneous Thoughts as We Roll Into Summer

My heart is heavy today because of this story. The little boy is the grandson of a family friend, and it’s looking like it was shaken baby syndrome from the daycare provider. He was 6 months old. His parents have made the impossible choice to take him off life support and donate his organs. I.can.not.fathom.this.tragedy. […]

Devastated

Grief and healing is a funny thing. It’s been 14 months since Jaime died, and sometimes we can go days or even weeks without crying about her now. Charlie and I still share melancholy smiles and sighs from time to time when we hear her favorite song or Stella tells a story about her, but […]

This is 3: On Remembering Jaime

Last Friday night, which happened to be Good Friday, I was sitting alone with Stella on the couch in our living room. Charlie was helping our friends set up a new crib they had just been gifted, and Harvey was in bed when I decided to ask her some questions about her Auntie Jaime. She was […]

Flashbacks

Last night was a rough night for me. This coming Sunday marks the one year anniversary of that awful day we lost Jaime, and emotions are running high in our family right now. This is what I wrote late last night as I sobbed in the dark, long after my husband and children were asleep in their […]

The Monday Snapshot – Yearbook Edition

Well, it’s been 16 months since I was last motivated to make our 2011 and 2012 annual family yearbook photo albums. At fist I was just overwhelmed (since Harvey was born just 12 days into 2014), but then Jaime died, and I honestly just couldn’t deal with all the photos. It’s hard to think “this was […]

The Monday Snapshot – Letters from Heaven

Last Monday morning, my Grandpa died. This Monday morning, I checked my mail and saw a letter from my Grandpa, postmarked the day he died. You see, every year my Grandpa liked to give each of the 12 grandkids a Christmas card with our names written on the front of it and some cash in it, and […]

The Monday Snapshot – On Continuing Grief

This morning my Mom called me at 6:27am. It’s never a good thing when my Mom calls me, no matter what time of day it is, because my Mom only calls if someone I love has died. I love my Mom, and I call her nearly every day, but I sure don’t like seeing her […]

On Grief: From a Different Perspective

My family started 2014 full of so much excitement and joy. Harvey was born on January 12th, and we just knew it was going to be a great year. It was a great year. However, it was also a year of great loss. Just to name the three deaths that were closest to me: The next […]

Family Togetherness

3 years ago, my parents, siblings, and their significant others all came to Colorado to see us over Christmas. Stella was just two weeks old, and it was so fantastic to have everyone here to meet her! At the time, Charlie’s parents and sister Jaime lived here near us, and his brother (along with his […]

Rocketships to Heaven

The last few weeks have kicked my ass. I just finished my 3rd week of trying to do 80 hours of work in half the time (it’s impossible, by the way), and I’m floundering. My coworker (and good friend) had her baby 3 weeks ago, and during her 8 week maternity leave, I’m covering her […]

40+4

For 284 days, Harvey grew into a strong, healthy little boy inside my belly. For 284 days, Harvey has now been living & breathing & growing on the outside of my belly as the perfect addition to our little family. ***** I had intended to write a big post today reminiscing about our amazing home birth experience, but […]

6 Months in T-7 Days

Roughly 5 years ago I started blogging in this space, and Kylee was one of the very first bloggers I ever read (we were both TTC #1 at that point). Over the years the topics of her writing have evolved as her life has changed, but I have always enjoyed reading stories about her life as an […]

You Cannot Go Back – Tearful Thoughts on Godparents

Last night I hung up the phone after talking to my best friend here and sobbed my heart out. Let’s back up. After Jaime died, my cousin whose Mom died the day after Harvey was born recommended signing up for emails from GriefShare.org. It’s a daily email that comes into my inbox in the middle of […]

Final Details: It’s Just a Piece of Paper, Right?

In the grand scheme of life, there are very few details that truly matter. At the same time, details can bring us comfort or crush us. Details are not easily ignored. Jaime died on the 15th of March. We had to get her personal effects moved out of her apartment by the 1st, so two […]

The Importance of That One Day

Today is the 15th. That means that Jaime died one month ago today. That’s one entire month without my sister-in-law in my life. and one entire month that I cannot believe has passed already. I don’t know if I’m in the denial stage of grief or what, but it honestly does not feel real that Jaime […]

Let Her Go

This was one of my sister-in-law’s favorite songs, and for anyone who knew Jaime, you know that she always listened to her favorite songs on repeat for months on end. It drove us nuts sometimes, but it was also one of the things we loved about her. She (and my husband) are really good at […]

On Grief: The Quiet Moments

Jaime died on a Saturday morning. The official coroner’s report says 12:59pm, but that’s just because the local ambulance crew did everything they could to try to save her for over an hour. I live in a small town, you see. Population 1,000. Really small. Everyone knew her and loved her, including the EMS crew, and […]

10 days

10 day ago she suddenly died. 5 days ago we held her memorial service on the first day of spring. Today I worked on figuring out details like depositing her final paycheck, creating an estate account, and paying her bills. This is so fucking unfair. To go from planning a Saturday afternoon hangout with her to taking […]

The Monday Snapshot – Attempting Normality

I have so much to say about the past 8 days and at the same time, nothing to say. It was a beautiful service on Thursday, and today I have to go to work. I don’t wanna go.