My Cheap Version of Therapy

The Whole30 isn’t about food or weight loss or thirty-seven pounds of frozen chicken in your freezer, it’s about following through on a promise to yourself. And gaining the confidence that comes along with that kind of follow through. It changes how you think about yourself and what you think you are capable of. 

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I’m going to just write stream of consciousness here. Not sure if I’ll write down every meal or more my thoughts and feelings or what, but I figured I might find this interesting to look back on.

As of April 1, 2017, I’m 5’8″, 179.8# and 38.4% body fat according to my Aria scale. I used to hate my size 10s, and now 12s are tight on me and I’d probably feel better in a 14.

#HFS

I weighed 186# and 181# right before delivering my babies, and it’s SHOCKING to me to realize I almost weigh what I did when I was 9 months pregnant. Shocking and motivating. Here are my official before photos. Please know I’m not judging you for your weight or size by posting all of my  numbers – it’s just my way of keeping myself accountable. I just know that I am NOT treating my body right at this point, and I am solidly in the obese category (27.3 BMI) for my height/age right now – 15# from the high end of “normal weight” actually. I know that you can’t always go by what the scale says, but you can’t completely discredit it either, right? Here goes.

Before

• Day 1 – I woke up hungover and tired after an alcohol-fueled fight with my husband. Really ready to make a change. Excited and terrified at the same time, actually.
  • Breakfast: Easy, not much different than usual. 2 eggs basted (I put an ice cube in the pan and cover it to cook the tops with steam), leftover grilled veggies with EVOO from dinner the night before, and 1/2 of an avocado.
    
  • Lunch: Tough, because we were skiing on the mountain with Stella. I brought a compliant LaraBar and water to get me through while Charlie & Stella ate PB&Js and granola bars, and I had an apple & walnuts in the car on the drive home. I was still hungry when we arrived home, so I ate 2 hard boiled eggs & a bit of leftover grilled chicken as well for some more protein.
    
  • Dinner: Leftover grilled chicken & veggies from the night before. They were grilled with EVOO & spices, but I should have added a separate fat to this meal because my stomach was definitely growling in bed.
  • We’re not supposed to track calories or macros on Whole30 because the whole point is to change our relationship with food, but I’m going to for a couple days out of curiosity before forcing myself to stop. This was only 1,100 calories (def too low) and was 25 carbs/51 fats/23 protein for the macro breakdown. Normally I’m about 40/30/30, so it’s interesting to me to have this so different. I’m guessing it will settle into a 20/50/30 pattern as I get my meals down since this is a pretty low-carb way of eating. It’s not sustainable to be that low-carb when I start running again, but I’m definitely willing to try it for a month!
• Day 2 – I woke up feeling groggy and like I head a sinus headache. Whole30 warns that days 2/3 could feel like this as your body adjusts to life without all of that sugar and everything else.
  • Breakfast: Again, this will be my easiest meal I’m sure, because I basically eat eggs and veggies every morning for breakfast already. I did realize that I should be cooking my eggs in Ghee instead of the cooking spray I normally use, since the cooking spray has soy in it (a no-no on Whole30). Today I sauteed some bell peppers in Ghee and added spinach the last 30 seconds to wilt down, then made an omelet (which totally fell apart in the pan for some reason) and put the veggies inside and topped with salsa. I ate my omelet with a side of strawberries.
    
    • Side note, it’s interesting (eye-opening?) to realize how often I pick at my kids’ food. I almost ate a bite of dry Life cereal this morning before I realized what I was doing, and this isn’t the first meal I’ve noticed it on!
  • Lunch: Closing day on the mountain, but I actually went up late, so I ate a quick lunch at home before leaving. I ate the same leftover meal from last night (grilled chicken & veggies) and added 1/4 avocado for some fat.
    • This afternoon was TOUGH. Closing day is all about the party, so everyone is eating & drinking. I stuck to my water, but I was definitely a little cranky and thus really quiet all afternoon.
      
  • Afternoon snack: We’re supposed to avoid snacking on Whole30 because it’s usually tied to emotions and not real hunger, but after snowboarding all afternoon I knew I’d need some more calories, so I had some more walnuts and a hard boiled egg after leaving the mountain. Water, water, water.
  • Dinner: I made tacos for the family. They ate the standard tacos (with hard shells and cheese and a side of Mexican rice in addition to the salsa & avocado), and I ate mine in romaine lettuce wraps with just the ground beef, salsa, and avocado. It’s funny because mine was actually REALLY good (I killed it with the meat seasoning this time around!), but it was SOOOO hard to not eat a bite of shredded cheese when I was putting together everyone’s plates. Cheese is definitely the hardest thing for me to give up so far. I also made a side of green beans for Stella and I to get some more veggies in.
    
  • Still hungry tonight, so I tracked my food again. Only 1,100 calories again and a 21 carb / 52 fat / 27 protein macro ratio. My protein was a little higher today which is good, but I’m clearly still not eating enough at my meals. I’m so used to eating small meals throughout the day and saving calories for alcohol… this is a hard change for me to eat 3 larger meals.
• Day 3 – My entire body aches. I took a nasty fall yesterday while snowboarding, so I’m guessing it’s a combination of that and the detox happening in my body. Holy hell today sucks though. Thankfully my Mom is on Day 18 and said she woke up today feeling amazing for the first time in ages, so I’m holding onto that and the knowledge that this will all be worth it in the end.
  • Breakfast: 2 egg omelet with spinach, 1/4 avocado, and salsa. Served with a banana.
    
  • I only been at work for a few hours, and this is HARD. I’m realizing how often I snack at work, on leftover chips, bits of chocolate, string cheese, donut holes… whatever my coworkers have brought in. I almost never bring food to the office, so it’s straight grazing on random stuff they’ve brought in that is in front of my face all day. Ugh.
  • Lunch: I just couldn’t face another chicken breast, so I googled Whole 30 Lunch Ideas on Pinterest and remembered that tuna fish is a good option. I took a can of water packed tuna and mashed up half an avocado in it, added lemon juice, salt, and pepper, and voila! Lunch. I ate it with carrot sticks. After that, I was still hungry, so I made a little more. Haha.
    
  • Immediately After Work: I am SO hungry. Charlie just pulled out a bag of chips & some store bought (non-compliant) salsa, and he and the kids went to town on it. I peeled a hard boiled egg, grumbled, and walked away while the sweet potatoes roasted in the oven for dinner.
  • Dinner: I’m trying to get creative with dinner moving forward so that I don’t die of boredom from food routine. Tonight was totally fantastic! I just bought a fish griller thing a ma bob (that’s the technical term), and it worked great for the tilapia on the grill! I also roasted sweet potatoes in foil with olive oil, and then added some ghee, salt, and pepper. SO DELICIOUS! I made the kids sweet potato fries (Stella LOOOOOOVES sweet potatoes – she declared them her favorite food EVER at dinner tonight) and some green beans. I’ve been really hungry and low on calories the last couple of days, so I ate the entire 8oz fillet for a double protein bomb and enjoyed every bite. 🙂
    
  • Day 3 of no alcohol for either of us today, which seems like it shouldn’t be a big thing, but considering how routine it is for us to crack a beer after work, it’s actually notable. I feel fine (I also usually don’t drink Mon/Tues/Wed), but Charlie’s a little shocked at how hard it is to break that routine of drinks after work (and it’s only Monday!). I’m totally committed to the entire 30 day process, but I’m trying to get him on board with at least abstaining from alcohol for the 30 days with me, even if he won’t follow the food guidelines. I think it’d be good for both of us, mentally, financially, and physically to do this together.
• Day 4 – My head feels a little clearer this morning, but my whole body still hurts from that fall snowboarding on Sunday. I’m definitely still REALLY tired – sleeping in until 7ish instead of getting up at 5:45 to workout or whatever like normal. I barely had time for breakfast this morning, but I forced myself to cook up 2 eggs and spinach in ghee quickly this morning, and I ate that before running out the door to work.
  • I had a chiropractor appointment over my lunch hour today (to work on my leg that’s messed up from my fall), and it was really interesting talking to my friend about food sensitivities and such. Her husband does the ALCAT testing, and she found out that chicken and eggs were trigger foods for her last time – which was basically what she was living on for protein at the time. After Whole30 if I’m still feeling a little off, I think I’ll splurge and get the testing down, just to see. Could be good information!
  • Lunch was the same as yesterday – tunafish/avocado/lime/S&P leftovers with carrots. Quick and easy. I actually had to eat at my desk – sorry coworkers.
  • Dinner… SOOOOOO good. Spaghetti squash is one of those foods that my husband and I always love, but rarely buy and make. We have microwaved it before because of time constraints, but last night I roasted it in the oven with EVOO and S&P, and it was delicious. I made a tomato sauce from scratch to put over it with ground beef, and we all crushed it!
    
• Day 5 (Wednesday) –
  • I ate leftover spaghetti squash with 2 eggs and spinach & avocado this morning. It was okay – a little bland. I need to up my seasoning game.
  • 10am, I’m starving. Cranky.
  • 11am, I totally just snapped at my coworkers. UGH. #hangry?
  • Lunch: Leftovers from last night. I topped with extra meat sauce to hopefully hit satiety with the extra protein. While driving home for lunch, in my head I was thinking “one-sixth, 16.67%” – and I realized I was doing the same thing that I do when I run long distances…math to keep my mind off of how miserable I feel in that moment. LOL. So yeah, I’m over halfway through Day 5, so I’m (almost) 1/6 done with this little experiment!
  • Dinner: We pulled out some amazing local steaks from our deep freeze for dinner tonight, and my husband cooked them perfectly! (I like mine rare/med rare for that type of meat). Delicious. We also baked some sweet potatoes and grilled asparagus for the side dishes. I’m surprised how SWEET the sweet potatoes are already tasting to me after a few days of no added sugar. Wow!
    
• Day 6 – I just woke up from a dream during which I had walked into a restaurant to meet some friends and ordered a drink without thinking, drank half of it, and then realized what I was doing. Terrified that I’d messed up my #Whole30 challenge, I was contemplating puking and if that would allow me to not have to start all over. 😳 WTF? Dreams are so weird. Also, can you tell I’m freaked out about accidentally eating anything with off limits ingredients in it?! #r1d6
  • Breakfast: 2 egg omelet stuffed with leftover steak, asparagus, and sweet potatoes from dinner. Yum!
  • Lunch & Dinner: I honestly don’t remember? I forgot to write here for a couple of days, and my mind is already forgetting things. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or bad thing? 🙂
  • I often go out with girlfriends on Thursday nights for drinks…it feels weird to not be doing that tonight. I miss the socialization, but thus far I’ve been avoiding tempting situations while I get the hang of this for the month. Ha!
• Day 7 – It’s a Friday and my day off, so Harv and I headed to the town 30 miles away to stock up on more groceries. Holy hell my grocery bill is going to be awful this month. It’s an investment in good health, right?
  • Errands took WAY longer than anticipated, so I grabbed a snack pack from check-out at Natural Grocers at 1pm that was actually pretty good. I’m never a soda water drinker either (I wish I liked it but have always preferred flat water), but this grapefruit flavored LaCroix was actually pretty good. Not an ideal lunch, but at least it kept me on track today!
    
  • I went over to a friend’s house late afternoon to hang out for awhile. They had already finished a bottle of rose and had moved on to wine (it’s spring break here and the moms are celebrating – ha!). It felt so weird to sip my bubbly water and just watch everyone hanging out, planning their Friday night. There is an awesome band in town that everyone was going to go watch, but I just headed home… once again to avoid temptation. *sigh* I’m finding out how very quiet I am in social situations without any alcohol in me. 😉
• Day 8 – My spiralizer came, and I am SO excited to try it out!
  • Breakfast – I tried out sweet potato toast (I cut long slices of it and put it in the toaster oven for a few cycles). Topped it with avocado, eggs, and S&P, and it was pretty darn tasty!
    
  • Lunch… I just grabbed random food from the fridge. I’m pretty much living on eggs at this point it feels like sometimes, but I do love me some hard boiled eggs at least! I also got dinner prepped – my first ever attempt at cooking an entire bird! I went the crockpot method, and it turned out great. Rosemary, lemon, and garlic – easy peasy!
    
  • The chicken turned out great tonight – everyone loved it! I also tried out the new spiralizer and made sweet potatoes (which I sauteed in a little coconut oil with garlic and S&P) and fresh cucumber for sides.
    
    
  • Afterwards I even took the drippings and bones and such, added some carrots, onions, and celery, and set it up to cook on low overnight to make some bone broth. Yum!
    
• Day 9 – Passover Sunday.
  • I ate a quick breakfast of eggs & spinach & avocado before getting in my second workout since starting this journey (first one was yesterday). I’m finally feeling like I have enough energy to do something – it’s amazing to me how much I’ve been sleeping for the past 9 days! As you can see below, I have one big acne spot on my chin (my worst area), but overall my skin is doing much better right now. I’m hoping that eating this way will give me some insight as to what is causing some of the acne issues I’ve been struggling with for the past 9 months.
    
  • After church, we came home and I tried out another recipe from the Whole 30 Cookbook. Charlie was NOT sure about this one, but he ended up giving it a thumbs up! Next time I’ll use the smaller spiralizer attachment so the zoodles are thinner.
    
  • It’s Sunday afternoon, and to distract myself from grazing, I decided to take Stella to the movies. BAD IDEA. Oh my gosh – I didn’t realize how hard it would be to not eat popcorn and drink a Sprite (my ritual) at the movies. Torture. After we got home, we found out my brother’s roommate was throwing a BBQ, so Stella hopped on her bike (DANG she is fast!) and we headed down there. Everyone was eating and drinking and being merry, but I was good and sipped on my LaCroix again. Weekends are definitely the toughest for me on this program. I’m also glad I’m doing this in April (when the days are still cooler and shorter) and not the summer when a cold beer or tequila drink is much harder to resist!
• Day 10: Damn, back at work, but at least I’m almost 1/3 done with (at least the initial part) of this journey! I totally cheated this morning and stepped on the scale and looked. I’m down 7.3# and definitely less bloated, which is encouraging. I’m going to do my best to not step on the scale again, but I just needed a little motivation today. Statistically this is the day that people are more likely to quit the program, and that’s NOT going to me be. I can do this.
  • 3pm. I just got a phone call from the school that my 3 year old didn’t make the pre-k cut next year (he is on the waiting list). I am BEYOND stressed out about this, because we would be absolutely fucked if he doesn’t start school at the end of August with his sister. It’s amazing to me how instantly my brain triggered over to *I WANT A DRINK*. Um, can you say poor coping mechanisms?
  • 5:30pm. I just got home from work, watched the kids ride bike for awhile, and the proceeded to cook up a damn good meal that was way too much prep (not really, but it always feels like that when I’m trying something new). I did baked tilapia (with ghee, lemon, and garlic – I spaced the rosemary), a warm kale & mushroom salad, and cauliflower rice. It turned out pretty good, but once again I went too light on the seasonings. I need to not be afraid of over-seasoning! The kids ate a little of the fish & rice, but refused the kale. I let them eat some hummus & carrots instead (their request!) and called it good. They’ve been pretty good troopers about eating all of the random stuff I’ve been cooking the past 10 days, and we’re the family that sends them to bed without dinner if they won’t eat what I make. Ha!
    
  • I still want a drink, so I cracked a grapefruit LaCroix instead. Meh.
• Day 11
  • I woke up feeling okay – no Tiger Blood or anything, but fine. I got in a 20 minute workout on the elliptical (meant to do 40m of PiYo but ran out of time) and ate a good breakfast. I sauteed up some leftover kale & mushrooms, then topped it with 2 over easy eggs, avocado, and a side of Whole30 compliant bacon. It was actually delicious!
    
  • Tuesday is office meeting day, and my coworker always brings all sorts of goodies. Cheese sticks (my kryptonite), donut holes, etc. I ate a few grapes and drank an entire huge thing of water and tried to not look at the table in front of me. Office snacks are the best worst.
  • Lunch – I made a big salad for lunch. It’s almost like the old days (pre-Whole30), except for how much I’m missing goat cheese on my salads. *sigh* I used mixed greens and topped it with some of that roasted chicken from Sunday, avocado, tomatoes, and Tessamae’s dressing. No picture, because I was starving and scarfed it down, and then I followed it up with a hard boiled egg. Why am I so dang hungry today?
  • Dinner – See picture below. Organic, minimally processed, expensive as shit chicken legs (which were freakin’ delicious of course) with cauliflower rice & veggies (I picked out the peas b/c of Whole30). I totally went the easy route and bought frozen cauliflower rice, but my goal is to try and make it myself in the next week or two. Recipe here. If I make this again, I’ll add even more seasoning/spices (we find more recipes online to be fairly bland) and make more chicken legs, b/c the kids actually crushed a leg apiece and all 4 of us could have used another one or two.
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  • I’m glad this day is over. It was fine, nothing special, no tiger blood for sure.
• Day 12 (Wednesday): I woke up sleepy (DANG am I sleeping hard at night though) but okay. I was going to try to motivate to run, but it was so dark & cold that I opted for a PiYo Upper Body 20 minute workout instead. I’ll run after work. Hopefully.
  • Breakfast – Same as yesterday – more leftover kale & mushrooms with eggs, bacon, and avocado. I’m officially addicted to this breakfast! And entirely heartbroken when one of the yolks breaks on my farm fresh eggs.
  • Lunch – I pulled out an oldie but goodie from last week because we’re about out of leftovers in the fridge (my normal go-to for lunch because I’m cheap and can’t stand when any food goes to waste). Tuna fish + mashed avocado + lime juice and pepper. Mix it all together and eat with carrots. It takes about 2 minutes to prep and 5 minutes to eat – perfect for a work lunch. Ha!
  • Dinner – I made the classic chili from the #Whole30 cookbook. Pro: I prepped it the night before so all I had to do was turn on the crock pot during my lunch break and it was ready for dinner. This gave me time to get in a 3 mile run before dinner. Side note – the run sucked, it was hard, but I did it. Isn’t that always how the first real run of the year goes?
    
    At any rate, the chili was fine, but super bland – even though I had doubled the seasonings called for. When my little brother calls it bland, it’s bland. If I make that again, I’m going rogue on the type & amount of seasonings that are called for.