Who knew that crying to a stranger would be so helpful?
I meant to write this on Monday right after the appointment with my Counselor, but I ended up going out to lunch with another friend who is also going through some really rough stuff. We’ve known each other for about five years, but it wasn’t until the last month that we really started knowing each other. He often comes into the restaurant around 8:30 when I’m working (kitchen closes at 9), so when he ends up being my last customer, we’ve ended up having lots of deep conversations while I close up shop. At any rate, he also sees a counselor in town, and he’s been a huge help to me these past couple of weeks, and talking to him on Monday before work took precedence over blogging. Sorry. 🙂
At any rate, I can’t write about everything on here, simply because much of it is too personal in regards to my relationship with my husband. I’m working on boundaries here folks!
However, I can say that I cried…and I cried…and I cried…but it felt really good to cry to a stranger who then would say things like, Well, you have a lot of big decisions to make, so let’s start one at a time since you’re so overwhelmed.
Ugh. one step at a time. So true.
Here’s a few things she helped me to realize.
I see things much too often in black and white and not often enough in gray.
I focus too much on on what I don’t have instead of what I do have.
I forget to find something each day to be happy about…to feel proud about.
I’ve completely lost my self-confidence in the job market. I’ve lost what I want to do with my life. I need to refocus on that.
I take things onto myself too often.
I’m too much like my Mom sometimes, and I’m sorry Mom, but that petrifies me. You are an AMAZING PERSON with a ton of wonderful qualities, but I don’t want to feel responsible for everyone and everything around me. I don’t want to give up my dreams or career for others. I don’t want to eat my feelings and then feel even worse about myself. I don’t want to go down the path you did. We’re a lot alike, and you and I, for better or worse.
So this week, my homework is to go to yoga at least once to work on centering myself again and to look into pursuing the photography angle as a job prospect in the future. Baby steps, folks, baby steps.