Yesterday I forgot to pump when I was home on my lunch break, and I didn’t bring the pump to work as a backup. That means I went from 6am-6pm without pumping or nursing. EEK.
Don’t get me wrong – it’s not that big of a deal – I was planning on stopping day nursing/pumping next week anyway. I know it’s only one week earlier (though I’m freaking out about it inside right now), but it was shocking to me to realize that I could just FORGET to do something that I’ve done every single day for nearly a year.
I used to pump 3x/day during work in the beginning when Stella was eating every 2.5 hours (or once mid-morning, once mid-afternoon, and I’d run to the daycare and nurse Stella on my lunch break – my gosh I love living and working close to the daycare).
Around 7 months old (after solids were getting pretty well established), she switched to nursing/taking a bottle every 4 hours, so I cut out the lunch time nursing because she just took 1 bottle after her morning nap and one after her afternoon nap.
Then Stella started sleeping through the night a few months ago, and my body adjusted to no nursing from 7:30pm-7:30am, but I’ve still been consistently nursing/pumping 4x per day since then (7:30 nurse/11:30 pump/3:30 pump/7:30 nurse). A week or two ago I cut down to 1 pumping while at work (around 2pm) because my supply was dipping enough to only get 4-6oz total out of the two mid-day pumpings, and it just wasn’t worth my time away from my desk. I’d still get 4 oz from one early afternoon pumping, and I figured it was time to start cutting down on day pumping anyway because HOLY FUCKING SHIT do I hate pumping.
I mean, I love it. I love that I live in a time where I’m able to work 35hrs/week outside the home, away from Stella, and yet here she is – on the threshold of being a 1 year old EBF kid. I am proud of that.
SO FREAKING PROUD OF THAT.
I know that I owe the ability to do that to the advances in double electric hands-free pumps. I also owe my 300+ oz freezer stash to that damn machine. Thank you Medela PIS.
However, I am SO ready to be done with that thing, and it’s kind of bittersweet to realize that I did my last pumping session last week without even realizing it was going to be the last. Adios. Au revoir. Ciao.
*****
I’m starting to cruise through my freezer stash. I still send two bottles to daycare (4 oz each), so those are coming straight out of my stash now. For the last two weeks I was having to pull one from the freezer and one fresh, and somehow it’s almost painful to be suddenly going through that stash at double the speed of last week. She started out eating 12-15oz at daycare…then around 7 months when she was eating more solids, that dropped to 8-12. The last couple of months I’ve only sent eight, and that’s been plenty (child LOVES her solid foods – thank you Baby Led Weaning!).
For now I’m going to keep nursing morning/evening, and I really have no idea if I’m going to set an “end date” for that or just let it happen naturally. I’m ready for my body to be mine, but I’m not ready for nursing to end either. I love nursing and the relationship it has given me with my daughter.
I am SO thankful to be in this place… with a healthy (nearly) 1 year old and a freezer full of great antibody filled [free!] milk.
It’s just a little sad at the same time, that’s all. 🙁
Our first time <3