My world has been filled with scads of good reproductive news lately from friends and family who have struggled with the ALI journey, and it’a making me burst at the seams with optimism and hope. It’s not all of my news to share yet, and there is lots of praying going on in my life, but I can share this latest news, and *GOOSEBUMPS* it’s good.
Most of you probably remember when I wrote last March about my grief surrounding the horrible murder of one of Stella’s daycare playmates. His parents have spent the last 8 months trying to do something amazing with his memory.
[Timely Christmas plug here – if you’re looking into getting a Strider balance bike for your toddler for Christmas, please order through the Axel Project! We bought Stella one last summer at 18mo old, and she LOVES it!]
At any rate, the Axel Project has a Facebook page that I’ve liked, and last night a new post came up from the Dad that I clicked over to read entitled Life is a rollercoaster. Shortly after that I saw a post come up written by his Mom over on her blog, Velo Mom, entitled Do you believe in Miracles?
If you didn’t click over, I’ll save you the suspense. After Axel died, they looked into trying to get pregnant again, but at 40 years old and after a tubal ligation following the birth of Axel, it didn’t seem possible, financially, emotionally, or any way!
Then at the end of September I started to feel very off. I was tired all the time and after awhile I realized I never had a period. A few Google searches and I thought I knew the answer – pre menopause – how depressing. A few days later I find a pregnancy test in a drawer. I decide to try it since my doctor always warned me about the seriousness of a tubal pregnancy. Although tubals are 99% effective there is that 1% chance you can get pregnant and within that 1% chance is a 60% chance that the fertilized egg gets stuck in your tubes. Which is deadly. Then there is my age, the stress on my body over the past year etc…How could I possibly be pregnant? Menopause, even at 40, seemed more believable.
I’m sure you can see where this is heading, right?
That’s right, she is pregnant again, with a growing, healthy little boy.
If I try really hard there may be a purely scientific reason why I am pregnant. It’s possible, I mean I am not claiming to be Mary and it was not an immaculate conception. But deep down I know this can’t be fully explained using intellect. And maybe there doesn’t ever need to be an explanation.
Maybe it’s a gift from Axel, maybe it’s a gift from God, maybe it’s a part of Axel’s soul wanting to come back, and maybe it was just pure chance.
Chills, right? This family has been through SO MUCH in the past year, and my heart is just overflowing with joy for them. God is amazing.
*****
On a random sort of similar note, ever since I got pregnant I’ve been looking at my header picture above and thinking about how this was so “meant to be.” While we were deep into the TTC world, I booked a phone session with a quantum healer (named Mas) who was absolutely amazing. What I didn’t mention in that post was that my Mom had also talked with him about some of her issues, and while they talked, I came up. He told her something along the lines of “she’ll be okay, they’re struggling now, but I see her with 2 kids.”
That comment has always stuck with me, and even when Charlie and I had decided against doing fertility treatments again, part of me always believed we’d have a second child, because Mas said so.
I know the picture above is just a random picture I took of Stella’s diapers out on the line, but once I got pregnant, I liked the symbolism of the stereotypical blue onesie and pink dress that are book-ending the diapers… because even though they were obviously both Stella’s clothing items at the time, it’s almost like I was looking at a glimpse into my future of the little boy & girl that I would be blessed to have in my life.
The Lord works in mysterious ways.