Four years ago this month, my husband and I were married in a gorgeous ceremony on the side of the mountain, just minutes from where we now make our home. Four years ago this month, I received two copies of The Five Love Languages (one as a bridal shower gift, one as a wedding gift), and I was blown away by what I read.
For those of you who have never read the book – go buy/borrow it now. It will enlighten you about your relationships and your friendships with your spouse, your kids, your friends, you family – everyone.
The basic premise is that everyone feels most loved in different ways, and that everyone has one of 5 love languages that mean the most to them.
For me, the #1 way I feel loved is through Quality Time, and my #2 is Physical Touch.
For my husband, his #1 way of feeling loved is through Words of Affirmation, and his #2 is Acts of Service.
Thankfully, neither of us really cares about Receiving Gifts, which makes birthdays and holidays easier. 🙂
However, this book really opened my eyes to the fact that just b/c I feel most loved when Charlie turns off the TV, sits with me on the couch, and cuddles and talks…he would feel more loved if I washed his laundry and told him I appreciated how hard he worked that day for our family and how much I love him for it.
Wow. What a difference, eh? To him, it often doesn’t occur to him to kiss or hug (though he does give me a goodbye kiss every morning now!), and he doesn’t get that having the TV on or the iPad in his lap doesn’t constitute Quality Time to me. To me, it often doesn’t occur to me to use Words of Affirmation when speaking with him, and I forget how much he appreciates and feels loved when I do little things to make his life easier.
This past week was a rough one in our household. Stells was having issues sleeping (which have gotten SOOO much better – I’ll write about that later!), and the severe lack of sleep was making me crazy. We have both been working a ton, we were both run down, and treating each other with love and respect just wasn’t happening. When I’m tired, I speak too sharply and don’t use my words in a loving way. To someone like my husband, whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation, I have to remember that it cuts him when I do that.
So here is my goal… every day, I will make a point of using my words to thank my husband, to appreciate my husband, and to make him feel loved. I will also use my words to ask him to turn the TV off, cuddle with me on the couch, or go for a walk together after work.
Having a strong marriage is so important, and I feel like we have been letting that slide lately. Friday night was the FIRST date night we have had since Stella was born, and it’s time to make us more of a priority!
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| 6 years ago, when it was all about us. 🙂 |