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Alternate Realities

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I am suddenly feeling as if the last week has thrust me into an alternate reality. One week ago, I had interviewed for a new job, and I was praying they gave me a good offer (well, any offer at all), and last Friday they offered me the job. It wasn’t for as much money as I was hoping for, but it had a  lot of potential for growth, it sounded like it would be a really interesting position, I’d be working just two blocks from home, and it was for more money than I’m making now, while keeping my same four day work week. Perfect, right?

That evening, I emailed my current boss, and basically laid it out there that I needed to be making quite a bit more money to make ends meet, and that as much as I loved working for him, he needed to pony up or I was leaving.

On Sunday I got a positive pregnancy test, and my balls went out the window.

You see, I have short term and long term disability insurance through my current job, which means I’d get some semblance of a maternity leave with pay. I also know that my current job (at a medical clinic) gives me lots of time breaks for pumping, and they are very “family friendly” if I need days/time off for baby stuff.

Suddenly the path I thought I was heading down wasn’t so clear.

I’ve spent all week worrying about this, and today my boss and I finally sat down and talked about everything. I did NOT tell him I was newly pregnant (oh HELL no he doesn’t get that little tidbit of information yet)… but I did tell him that I needed at least another $4/hr to stay. Considering how little I’ve been making, that was a HUGE raise to ask for, but I didn’t dare ask for less and undervalue myself. I also didn’t dare ask for more, because I didn’t want him to run from the room laughing. Suddenly, I really kind of want/need to stay.

Thankfully, after much discussion, he agreed to it. I’m still in a bit of shock about it all, but I’m pretty seriously considering staying put now. It doesn’t mean I’ve quit worrying though. Now I worry that I’ll have regrets if I don’t leave. New job opportunities in this town are few and far between (pop. < 1000 here). What if I lose this baby? What if I pass up this opportunity for nothing? Am I giving up a chance at a dream job that I’ll love for years down the road?

However, if all goes well with this pregnancy, I really do think it will be better for me to stay put for more immediate financial and conveneince reasons.

So what would you do? Stay? Or Go?

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