Today marks 5 months since little Harvey was born into my arms in the temporary pool we had set up in our guest bedroom. That was such a fantastic, wonderful day, and yet I mourn how much of the first 5 months of his life I’ve spent crying. It doesn’t feel fair to my family, to my coworkers, to me, and especially to my kids.
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My paternal grandma died when I was just 3 (it’s actually one of my earliest memories) and my grandfather died in 1974 before I was born. It’s heartbreaking to me to realize that my Dad had no parents left alive by the time he was 34 years old. I’m 32 and simply cannot imagine that.
My Mom’s parents have thankfully be around for my entire life. Grandma Joan & Grandpa Gene were a huge part of my childhood – summer weeks at their lake house, school afternoons at Grandma’s house in town, weekends on the farm with Grandpa (they were married, but when they retired, Grandma hated living in the country and Grandpa couldn’t stand the city, so they each had their own place and visited each other. LOL). They lived just down the road from us, and consequently we spent many many afternoons eating Grandma’s fresh baked chocolate chip cookies that were cooling on the brown paper bags on the counter.
Grandma & Grandpa were big travelers when I was a kid, always going to different states to golf and hang out with their friends. If I remember correctly, Grandpa slowly preferred to stay home on the farm, but Grandma still wanted to go, so she’d just make it friend trips & go without him! I always remember admiring her spoon collection (she’d get a spoon from every state she visited). I think she made it to all 50 states, or at least the lower 48, which is pretty dang cool!
At any rate, last night my Grandma Joan died while my Mom held her hand, and I am just so dang sad. I am sad for my Grandpa, I am sad for my Mom, I am sad for my entire family. She has been living with advanced Alzheimer’s for years now, but she was still my grandma, and she would still give us a smile whenever I walked in with Stella on my hip to give her a hug.
I know that death is part of the circle of life, but I just feel like we’ve had more than enough death surrounding us these past 5 months, and I am so dang tired of being sad. Four family members in the last five months = gone. Two deaths were tragic, two were (somewhat) expected…and all four were desperately sad.
I miss you Grandma Joan. Give everyone else up there a huge hug from me, okay?
Love, Josey
