After 5 months of TTC (and already feeling totally lost and frustrated about this journey), I gave up the dream of saying “SURPRISE Mom & Dad – you’re going to be grandparents!” … and instead confided in my Mom about our struggles. She had no idea we were trying (or having troubles), and I am so grateful that I confided in her (and eventually in all of my immediate family). It’s been wonderful having their support through this crappy journey.
At any rate, Mom now follows this blog (“Juls” in my comments), and she constantly tells me how impressed she is with this community of women I have grown to know and love and be a part of. She lives 1,100 miles away, and she is so grateful that you are all here to lift me up when I’m down, to give me advice when I’m lost, to send me virtual hugs when I’m crying. I’m grateful for you too. 🙂
Back to what I meant to write about… confiding in Mom has led to her confiding in some of her girlfriends about our struggles (most of them best friends since childhood – they all still live in the same area), and these women in turn confided in her… and it is sort of amazing how many of their children have issues.
In an email Mom sent me this week, she said that at her book club meeting this week, there were 7 women present.
Mom: 4 daughters, 1 son. I’m the only TTC’er so far, and you know our struggles.
Friend 1: 3 daughters, 2 sons. As far as I know, only 1 daughter TTC so far, and she had an ectopic pregnancy and lost part of her tube, so they were obviously worried. Thankfully now has a daughter… no idea what her TTC struggles will be in the future.
Friend 2: 2 daughters. One currently pregnant, one doesn’t have a viable uterus so she’s pursuing adoption.
Friend 3: 2 daughters. One suffered several m/c so she’s adopting now. The other not TTC yet.
Friend 4: 1 daughter, 2 sons. Daughter only TTCer so far – 2 kids, with a m/c between them.
Friends 5 & 6: – have kids who haven’t TTC yet. One daughter has PCOS – I’m praying for no issues for her.
In Mom’s words:
Point is, we were sort of struck by all the issues….none of us had any trouble getting pregnant. None of us had even had a miscarriage. Really sort of made us wonder…what are the odds….of so many of the daughters of our small group having all these issues related to having children?
It’s scary, this crappy world we’re part of. I’m SO incredibly thankful to have met you all, but wow… can you even imagine being part of a group of friends where nobody has problems TTC?! Crazy to even try to imagine anymore.
That being said, do you think it’s more prevalent now b/c women tend to wait longer? Because of environmental factors? Or is it not even more prevalent? Is it just talked about more now? Maybe my Mom had a friend that had issues TTC, and 30 years ago that woman withdrew from the group b/c it was too hard to be around fertile women?
These are the things I think about. My husband just bounded in talking about how beautiful it is outside today. I need to be more like him. Time to get outside. 🙂