So upon the recommendations of a couple of you, I purchased three different books last week for Charlie and I to read together to hopefully jump start some of the tough conversations we have in our future.
The Introvert and Extrovert In Love: Making It Work When Opposites Attract
An old blog friend of mine suggested the For Women Only / For Men Only books, and here is what she had to say about them.
Both books are pretty short, concise, and easy to read. But they are based on scientific research and polls from men and women from all walks of life.
We give these books to all our college students who are getting married.
You take the for Men Only copy, cross out “men” and write “Charlie.”;) then you read the book with highlighters, sharpies, and pens. Cross out what doesn’t really apply to you. Highlight what is every important. And write notes, of encouragement, suggestions, specifications, etc…
Charlie does the same with the For Women Only book.
Then you guys give each other your custom edited books and you now have a pretty good road map/insight into your spouses inner workings.
I love the idea that no one book is going to be perfect for you and your relationship and somehow instantly solve things, but by customizing them we can really drill down to what is important to us and how we can help each other understand what is really wanted and needed for us both to feel loved and fulfilled and happy in this marriage.
The other book is one another old blog friend of mine found and sent to me, and as (at least to me) it seems like the crux of a lot of our issues lately, I’m really excited to read that one as well.
Can I just say that it’s pretty amazing to me that women I met 6+ years ago through blogging are now such great resources for me in a completely different sort of tough time? I love you all.
At any rate, quite honestly, Saturday night was another bad night full of talks of leaving and more conversation about our marriage and tears about how things got like this. Sunday for Easter was good, and Monday we both just ignored the entire situation. On Tuesday night after work Charlie and I talked a bit more about things, and when I told him I had gotten these books for us to read while we figure out what counselor to go to, he just sort of laughed and shook his head. I kinda sorta flipped and told him I wasn’t going to put the effort into trying to fix our marriage if he wasn’t going to, and he got more serious and assured me that I wouldn’t be feeling like I was putting in work for nothing – he was willing to do the work too. We shall see – I hope that these books are at least eye opening for us and a jumping off point for us to have more tough discussions together in the future. One year ago we were in such a good place, and I really want to get back there…