9 weeks, and multi-colored yawns

This was supposed to go up two days ago, but there was no way in hell that was happening. More on that in a sec… 

How far along? 9 weeks
Size of baby? Cherry tomato

Total Weight Gain? 3#
Maternity clothes? If I ever got out of yoga pants, probably. My belly is super bloated & my boobs are definitely bigger.
Sleep? Not great. Very restless, and definitely peeing once a night at least. 
Best moment this week? Um, really?
Food cravings? Changes every day…as does what I can keep down. Sometimes quinoa helps. Yesterday I craved KFC, but since it’s 30 miles away, I didn’t get it. I think my hubby almost had a heart attack when I texted him about it though because it was so out of character for me!
What I miss? Feeling well enough to be social. Drinking beer. This will be a theme this pregnancy, I promise. πŸ˜‰
What I’m looking forward to? Feeling pregnant, and not just like death.
Weekly Wisdom: Be careful what you wish for…(as in morning sickness)
Milestones: The kiddo is actually looking like a baby in pictures now and not some alien type thing!
Emotions: Cranky. Tired. Overwhelmed.
Symptoms: You name it, I probably have it. 

After that little synopsis, you’re probably getting the clue that I’m still not feeling great. As a quick disclaimer, I’m not feeling as horrid as One Day (the poor girl has confirmed hyperemesis gravidarum), but I’m super worried I’m headed that direction. In the meantime, she needs all the support she can get – please head on over and give her a boost if you get a second!

I’ve been hesitant to write this post b/c I’ve read plenty of fellow Ifers rantings bout “thoughtless” women who get their BFP and have “forgotten” what it’s like to be in IF hell still. Believe me, I haven’t forgotten. I still pray for you all. I pray for my own pregnancy to continue and for a healthy baby to be in my arms come Christmas.

That being said, I cannot explain how awful this has been. 

I’ve read about so many women who LOVED being pregnant, and I know that many assume those “other women” that complained were just weak. Whiners. Ungrateful (probably fertile) bitches. I’ve followed other IFers blogs through their pregnancies and always felt bad for them that they felt the need to apologize for not loving their nausea and their bloated feet…but still, I’ve always wished I could experience those symptoms because it would mean that I, myself, was pregnant.

Well, call me what you will, but so far, this sucks. 

*It feels like I’ve had a severe case of the flu and food poisoning for three weeks straight now, with no end in sight. My body hurts. My head aches. I’m exhausted but can’t sleep. Fun, huh?

*I’m supposed to be starting my new summer job this weekend, and I had to call in the past two days b/c there is NO WAY I’m going that far from my own bathroom. No way I can be chipper and happy and work around food. I have no idea when I will be able to work, and I’m starting to worry what my new boss is going to think of me (he has no idea about the baby).
*If you’re someone who “felt a little nauseous” in the mornings, you have no idea what I’m talking about. THAT was the m/s I was hoping for. You know, to “reassure me” that the little one was doing well. However, I’m here to tell you that: 
when you are nauseous all.day.every.day… 
when you are actually puking 3-5x/day…
when you are starving but afraid to eat because you know it will come right back up…
when you find yourself sobbing in the shower b/c you just puked all over yourself…
when the thought of having to leave your house terrifies you, because OHMYGODWHEREWILLIPUKE? 
when you feel like that, it sucks. 
*Excuse me for the TMI, but I also haven’t shit in 8 days (since the day I started my anti-nausea meds…yes, I’m on meds, and they have helped to the extent that lately I probably puke 2x/day instead of 4-5). There is no way this is helping my tummy to feel better. 

I’m sorry for the debbie downer, super depressing, not so feel-good post, but this is how I am feeling, so I wanted to be honest and document it. My computer is also STILL not fixed (another story for another day, ugh), and this is also the first time I’ve left my house in days, so I figured I’d better get a blog post up to reassure those of you who have been contacting me, worried about my lack of posting. Thank you lovelies for worrying. I am sick, but as far as I know, that means the baby is fine, and that is good. 

I am thankful I am pregnant. 
I am thankful I am 9w2d and will get to meet this little life sucker in approximately 31 more weeks.
I am thankful I have a husband who has been so amazing this past month. Whether I’m needing chicken noodle soup or ice cream or absolutely complete darkness and silence…he’s on top of it.
I am thankful I don’t have to start full-time work until mid-June (week 13) when I’m hoping I’ll feel better.
I am thankful I am pregnant. Bottom line. 

Being this sick just sucks. Balls. And that was the point of this post. 


  1. oof! I really hope you are able to start keeping some food in you soon. I know some of us (and you at one point) are wishing we were in your shoes, but that doesn't mean throwing up doesn't totally suck. I don't think I'll ever *enjoy* that! Hang in there – I am totally cheering you on!!

  2. Hoping you feel better soon! πŸ™

  3. Oh, I am so sorry you are so miserable! You are getting close to the end of the misery – hang in there a few more weeks (which I am sure seems like a sheer impossibility!) The change in…uh… GI activities is probably most definitely making your nausea worse. Check with your doc first of course, but Milk of Mag should do the trick – non-habit forming, no GI cramping, etc… most of my friend were able to use it during pregnancy (but every person is different, so again check with you doc.) Hope it gets better in the 2nd trimester for you! Hang in there, little mama!

  4. I am so sorry! I hope you start to feel relief asap! love you!

  5. πŸ™ So sorry you're feeling so crummy:( 2nd trimester is just around the corner! Hang in there!:)

  6. Sorry to hear you are feeling so awful. That is no fun and you shouldn't have to feel like you need to apologize for complaining about it. Anyone would be complaining about throwing up that much for that long… I'm praying that it subsides soon.Congrats on the pregnancy…it will all be worth it in the end! πŸ™‚

  7. Hoping the 2nd trimester eases some of your m/s and symptoms!!!No need to apologize for anything or being honest about how crappy you feel πŸ™‚ I do remember the not poo-ing and how awful that was πŸ™‚

  8. I always feel bad posting negative things about pregnancy on my blog, but in my opinion, it doesn't mean you aaren't grateful. All day nausea is THE worst.Are you on Zofran? I never took that, because I was scared of the constipation thing, so I stuck with Phinagrin.If it helps, I was sick like you are from week 6 – week 16. I still get sick everyday, but it is only once and then I feel pretty good most of the time.Also, put a trash bag in your purse, it makes leaving the house less terrifying!Good Luck!

  9. I'm sorry you feel so crappy. Hope you feel better soon!

  10. I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. After all you have been through, you deserve to feel great. Hopefully things will improve in the 2ND trimester for you. I will be thinking of you!

  11. Wonder if I can put my guess in now that it's a boy…just throwin that out there. But in the meantime, I know that doesn't help make you feel any better – I wish there was some miracle fix. I'm glad you don't have to go to work right now. That was always the part I hated the most, was trying to hide it at the office. Luckily I had two weeks off during my worst bout with m/s. I really hope you feel better, and soon!!!

  12. "I've been hesitant to write this post b/c I've read plenty of fellow Ifers rantings bout "thoughtless" women who get their BFP and have "forgotten" what it's like to be in IF hell still. Believe me, I haven't forgotten."YES. You know what, just cause we finally got pregnant doesn't mean that you have to ignore when things are rough. Thank you for writing about it. I actually addressed one of these posts because I was totally pushed over the edge by one of those "pregnant people who were IFers just forget and can't complain" yada yada. Oy.For what it's worth, I cried for an hour yesterday because I felt so fat. And I'm tired. But, like you… Thankful for the opportunity.

  13. Pregnancy is hard work, that's for sure. It's miraculous, yes, but I'm glad you're not downplaying how hard it's been because you're afraid of what someone else will say/think/write. Because you know what? If you wrote that pregnancy was wonderful and you were shitting sunshine and rainbows? They'd still be pissed. Promise. But I believe (now, after having been through my own crap on my blog) it's not about you, it's just another crappy part of the super-hard IF journey – watching other people achieve what you seemingly can't. We've all been there; their blogs are their space to write their emotions, this is yours. And if someone comes over here and tries to make you feel bad for writing YOUR experience, well, you know where to find me. πŸ˜‰ Because that's where it becomes uncool.Yes, you're thankful and lucky, but it's really hard to be so sick for so long. I hope it eases up soon. ((((Hugs)))))

  14. Hang in there, darling daughter. There will come a time when you get to enjoy being pregnant. All of the women who read and/or write IF blogs understand the complicated emotions that happen no matter what the situation. Every single person who reads your blog was thrilled when you got your BFP. And at the same time, those who are TTC were sad (or whatever emotion) that it wasn't them. Everybody gets that. And people feel what they feel. And that doesn't make them bad or mean or any negative word. It just makes them human. We go forward and try to be kind to each other, even when life is unfair. You will get through this, Josey, even though it's really hard right now. The one word which always comes to me first when describing you is FEARLESS. You handle things. You deal with it. You go forward. You live your life with love and respect. No matter how bad this gets, you will prevail. And in the end when you hear that first cry from your little Rock Star, your heart will be filled and these hard days will be in the past.Keep the faith.Love youxxMom

  15. Oh Josey – I'm so sorry you are still in puking hell – it sounds terrible and I would not wish that on anyone.I hope you feel better soon.Also? Your Mom's comment rocks.

  16. don't feel bad for not enjoying the morning sickness. i think it's totally possible to enjoy your pregnancy without enjoying every symptom. enjoying your pregnancy just means that you are grateful to be pregnant and not taking it for granted and i know how grateful you are to be pregnant. i really hope you feel better soon. just hang in there a few more weeks, the second trimester is just around the corner! big hugs!!!

  17. Boooo to the constant barfing πŸ™ I am sorry you are feeling so crappy. I can imagine 2-3 times of throwing up in the first couple weeks and being like " Ok thats cool, Im def preggs" but then I cant imagine all day every day…for WEEKS πŸ™ I just hope it goes away soon so you can start enjoying being pregnant!! πŸ™‚ With no more dates with the toilet πŸ™ Hang in there!

  18. Oh, I hope that 10 weeks is as good to you as it has been to me. I was thinking of you when I just blogged about being worried about NOT feeling so yucky… you can send a virtual smack my way:] Seriously, I'm so sorry that you have gotten more than your fair share of m/s. Nothing fun about that. As others have said, I hope that you are well on your way to a smoother part of the pregnancy. We know you are thankful, we are thankful for you and this little one too!

  19. dont feel bad about complaining…it is all parts of the "joy" of pregnancy…lol. i know what you mean about baing afraid to leave you house!! i puked TWICE the other day and had to pull over to do it because i risked leaving my house! actually, i hit 2nd tri, and have now started getting heart palpitations, and THEY make me throw up! the first tri i was just nauseated 24/7 but maybe puked once a day in the morning. Now it is whenever, whereever!!!! which is awful! I TRY not to complain, only b/c i lost a baby @ 34.5 weeks gestation, so i am just thrilled to be pregnant again, and PRAYING this one is a "take home baby", but i dont get mad at those who do;-) it is COMPLETELY understandable!!! i hope you have some relief soon!!

  20. I am so sorry Josey! I was one of the lucky ones that had it easy. I can't think of much I hate more than puking or feeling like puking and so I can't even imagine going through what you are!!!! Praying things get better for you ASAP!!!

  21. it sounds absolutely awful (although I laughed at your barfing rainbows thingy (what would I call it??). Anyone who thinks you have to love vomiting every day in order to show your thankfulness for being pregnant is insane. I know that you're not "supposed" to tell people until 12 weeks, but might it make sense to tell your new boss so that he doesn't think you're a flake? (Obviously i don't know the whole situation so feel free to say no, really not something i want to do).

  22. You poor thing, I am so sorry you feel so awful! There is not one thing to enjoy about that..I really hope you can find some relief soon. Hang in there!

  23. Josey, I'm so sorry that you feel like complete and total shit. Ugh. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I hope that things start to get better soon and that your symptoms will slowly go away as the pregnancy progresses. Keeping you in my thoughts this week!

  24. I hope you start feeling better soon! I felt bad about complaining at the beginning too. But now I realize that there is good and bad to everything and you an both equally grateful and hate being pegnant at the same time. And if you didn't express both sides you would not be authentic and real which you seem to be.I hope it gets better. My doc recommended Colase (and OTC stool softener) for the BM issues and it has helped me a lot. Good luck!

  25. I hate that you feel so shitty. You know my opinion on this. This blog is your place to put your feelings and we all have the option to read or not read. You've given fair warning about what you're going through and it's up to us to decide if we can handle reading about it wherever we are in our journey. Please don't censor yourself ok.

  26. Hi,Coming by months later to say thanks for your comment on my post that Mel featured in Creme de la Creme this year. Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope you feel better soon and the rest of your time is boringly normal. All best, Lyrehca

  27. I'm sorry to hear that you feel like such crap, but fear not, there will be a baby at the end of all this nonsense!

  28. I am sending you an email about this post…check it out!AP

  29. Just saw this post now for some reason. Holy crap..that sounds like hell. But seriously, this is YOUR BLOG and I don't want you to feel bad about what you write on it. This is your story about your pregnancy…you're going to go back and read this with your little rockstar one day and you'll both laugh about what you went through :)Wish there was something I can do. Just hoping you start to feel like yourself again soon…Love you!

  30. Dude forget everything I have said about 'I know how you feel'. I most certainly did not experience the sickness to the extent you are feeling it. Although I do remember thinking 'what the hell was I thinking wanting this so bad?' as I was lying on the bathroom floor crying. But that definitely was not a 5x a day occurrance. I hope week 12 hits and you are feeling better instantly….well I wish it would happen now, but at the latest 12 weeks.

  31. sorry to hear about this Jos, I hope it doesn't last much longer for you, hopefully you just wake up tomorrow feeling as good as new.

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